#t

You look angry," he said. "You put me on hold." "For a very good reason." "You put me," she said very, very slowly, "on hold. ↗

— Derek Landy

#humor #skeleton #valykrie #funny

Giving style” to one’s character - a great and rare art! It is exercised by those who see all the strengths and weaknesses of their own natures and then comprehend them in an artistic plan until everything appears as art and reason and even weakness delights the eye. ↗

— Friedrich Nietzsche

#courage #individuality #nonconformity #self-freedom #truth-to-self

Never try to understand the students. They hate it. They would much rather be tragically misunderstood, wallow in self-pity, stew in their own —” “That’s enough, Phineas,” said Dumbledore. ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#headmasters #principals #students #funny

My girlfriend just bought me a portable toaster. And my birthday’s coming up, so I’m half expecting her to buy me a portable bathtub to go along with it. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#electrocution #funny #funny

Be careful you don't cut yourself. The edges are sharp enough to shave with.' 'Girls don't shave', Arya said. 'Maybe they should. Have you ever seen the septa's legs? ↗

— George R.R. Martin

#a-song-of-ice-and-fire #arya-stark #cutting #funny #george-r-r-martin

I love the fast lane. ↗

— Eva Gabor

#fast lane #i #i love #lane #love

I don’t quite know how to respond to people who say that I dance like my genitals are on fire. I usually just blush and brush aside their flattery. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#dance #flattery #funny #funny

We must, we must, we must increase our bust. ↗

— Judy Blume

#humor #mantra #funny

Artists are the serfs of a leisure society. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #funny

Um i'm happy to sit close to you and everything, but i had no idea you would like it so much,' Paris muttered. ↗

— Gena Showalter

#showalter #funny