#tar

Be careful you don't cut yourself. The edges are sharp enough to shave with.' 'Girls don't shave', Arya said. 'Maybe they should. Have you ever seen the septa's legs? ↗

— George R.R. Martin

#a-song-of-ice-and-fire #arya-stark #cutting #funny #george-r-r-martin

The American boy starts swinging the bat about as soon as he can lift one. ↗

— Tris Speaker

#american #bat #boy #lift #soon

This is a theater," Bertie, annoyed by the inquisition, dropped him onto stage. Several feet of slack cable landed atop the fairy in a slithering heap. "Oh!" Peaseblossom said. "You've buried him alive! ↗

— Lisa Mantchev

#eyes-like-stars #funny #lisa-mantchev #mustardseed #peaseblossom

Well, then, Otter, of course I don’t like Bundt cake. It has eggs in it. Baby chicken eggs. You don’t see chickens standing outside of maternity wards waiting to get our babies to make their Bundt cake, do you? ↗

— T.J. Klune

#the-kid #vegetarianism #funny

Companionship is a foreign concept to some people. They fear it as much as the majority of people fear loneliness. ↗

— Criss Jami

#companion #companionship #different #extroversion #fear

What I love about the sculpture is that it makes the bones that we are always walking and playing on manifest, like in a world that so often denies the reality of death and the reality that we are surrounded by and outnumbered by the dead. Here, is a very playful way of acknowledging that and acknowledging that and that always, whenever we play, whenever we live, we are living in both literal and metaphorical ways on the memory and bones of the dead. ↗

— John Green

#death #funky-bones #tfios #the-fault-in-our-stars #art

I'm taller than my father, and taller than two of the stones at Ban Drochaid." "I meant in feet," she clarified. Speaking of the mundane gave her a measure of calm. He eyed his boots a moment and appeared to be doing some rapid calculations. ↗

— Karen Marie Moning

#funny #gwen #height #karen-marie-moning #kiss-of-the-highlander

It all began when... they're funny, those words. Everyone uses them, without thinking what they mean. When does anything begin? With everyone it begins when you're born. Or before that, when your parents got married. Or before that, when your parents were born. Or when your ancestors colonised the place. Or when humans came squishing out of the mud and slime, dropped off their flippers and fins, and started to walk. But all the same, all that aside, for what's happened to us there was quite a definite beginning ↗

— John Marsden

#narration #start #funny

Do I look like I watch Star Trek? ↗

— Michael Scott

#machiavelli #star-trek #funny

He’d use this opportunity to impress Rick and show him that he did, in fact, have more to offer than just being a sexy skanktart. To show that he wasn’t just a brainless bimfoon, that’s when a bimbo breeds with a buffoon, resulting in a true, hot mess. ↗

— Kyle Adams

#drag #drag-queen #funny #kyle-adams #skanktart