#th

Sweater, n. Garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly. ↗

— Ambrose Bierce

#children #clothes #clothing #definition #humor

Do you love him?" There were only a few people in the world who could ask me such insanely personal questions without getting punched. Dimitri was one of them. ↗

— Richelle Mead

#humor #kick-ass #rose-hathaway #vampire-academy #humor

Be sure to lie to your kids about the benevolent, all-seeing Santa Claus. It will prepare them for an adulthood of believing in God. ↗

— Scott Dikkers

#atheism #childhood #humor #kids #parenting

A true friend is a gift from God. Since God doesn't exist, guess what? Neither do true friends. ↗

— Scott Dikkers

#cynicism #friendship #humor #friendship

Lynn, she saved half our faction from this stuff," says Marlene, tapping the bandage on her arm from where the Dauntless traitors shot her. "Well, half of half of our faction." "In some circles they call that a quarter, Mar," Lynn says. ↗

— Veronica Roth

#math #humor

His eyes widened just a bit, his lips flexed. I realized he was trying not to laugh. I hate it when people find my threats amusing. ↗

— Laurell K. Hamilton

#threats #humor

The reason people use a crucifix against vampires is because vampires are allergic to bullshit. ↗

— Richard Pryor

#humor #religion #vampires #humor

I sent a quick text to Adrian: I have a hickey! You can’t ever kiss me again. I honestly hadn’t expected him to be awake this early, so I was surprised to get a response: Okay. I won’t kiss you on your neck again. So typical of him. No! You can’t ever kiss me ANYWHERE. You said you were going to keep your distance. I’m trying, he wrote back. But you won’t keep your distance from me. I didn’t dignify that with a response. ↗

— Richelle Mead

#aftermath #freaking-out #hickey #humor #kisses

He’s a love-’em-and-leave-’em kind of guy. And though he’s not a Lord, he does have a curse hanging over his head. I have the book to prove it.” William growled low in his throat. “Anya! Must you share my secrets with everyone?” He flattened his palms on the arms of his chair. “Fine. If you can spill, I can, too. Anya’s the reason the Titanic sank. She was playing chicken with the icebergs.” Scowling, Anya anchored her hands on her hips. “William had a bronze made of his penis and placed it on his mantel. ↗

— Gena Showalter

#lords-of-the-underworld #william #humor

Hmm…” Jason snapped his fingers. “I can call a friend for a ride.” Percy raised his eyebrows. “Oh, yeah? Me too. Let's see whose friend gets here first. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#flying-horses #heroes-of-olympus #humor #jason-grace #percy-jackson