#the

But to say that Sarah Palin and the tea party movement is responsible for vandalism or threats is just a way to dismiss the American people and, and their dissatisfaction with this health care bill. ↗

— Laura Ingraham

#american people #bill #care #dismiss #dissatisfaction

I have to say when we talk about the treatment of these prisoners that I would guess that these prisoners wake up every morning thanking Allah that Saddam Hussein is not in charge of these prisons. ↗

— James Inhofe

#allah #charge #every #guess #hussein

I get appalled when I see good drivers being left on the sidelines because they haven't come up with the half million to a million to put themselves in a competitive car. ↗

— John Surtees

#because #being #car #come #competitive

Touch her, and I'll freeze your testicles off and put them in a jar. Understand? ↗

— Julie Kagawa

#faery #humor #julie-kagawa #meghan #prince

To you, I'm an atheist. To God, I'm the loyal opposition. ↗

— Woody Allen

#atheism #humor #humor

Yuki: "What can I learn from a stupid cat like you? You didn’t even know that Jason isn’t really a bear. He’s a character in a horror film." Kyo: "Yeah? So what if I didn’t? Like I’d waste my time watching some movie about a bear!" Yuki: You truly are an idiot. ↗

— Natsuki Takaya

#humor

Dan was thrilled that the second clue had been safely smuggled out of the church in his pants. "So, really, I saved the day," he decided. "Wait a minute," Amy said, "I climbed onto the roof in the middle of a thunderstorm." "Yeah, but the clue was in my pants. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#cahill #dan #humor #the #humor

The au pair was bug-eyed. "What happened back there?" "It's not our fault!" Dan babbled. "Those guys are crazy! They're like mini-Darth Vaders without the mask!" "They're Benedictine monks!" Nellie exclaimed. "They're men of peace! Most of them are under vows of silence!" "Yeah, well, not anymore," Dan told her. "They cursed us out pretty good. I don't know the language, but some things you don't have to translate. ↗

— Gordon Korman

#cursing #dan-cahill #humor #nellie-gomez #the

Nobody got me out," Nellie replied. "They just let me go. They think I'm a deranged Jonah Wizard fan. Apparently, the hotel's full of them. A couple of idiots actually jumped off the front balcony. Can you picture that?" "In Technicolor," Amy said bitterly. "That low-down KGB reject!" Dan fumed. "I can't believe she cheated me–right when I was in the middle of cheating her! ↗

— Gordon Korman

#humor #jonah-wizard #nellie-gomez #the #humor

Sugar maple!" Mary-Todd Holt knelt over her husband. "Are you all right?" Eisenhower sat up, and egg-size lump blooming on his crown. "Of course I'm all right!" he managed, his words slurred. "You think a little insect can stop me?" Reagan was unconvinced. "I don't know, Dad. She brained you with a baseball bat!" "Hockey stick," Dan corrected. "Those could be your last words, brat– ↗

— Gordon Korman

#dan #eisenhower #holt #humor #mary-todd