#tire

As Samson demonstrated, going bald ruins lives. ↗

— Brendan Jack

#empire #humor #humour #memoir #quote

She looked at her note cards and took a breath. "Why I Love America, by Hayley McDonald's. America is the greatest group of countries in the world because we have freedom. In countries like France, where the Government isn't privatized, they still have to pay tax and do whatever the Government says, which would really suck. In USA countries, we respect individual rights and let people do whatever they want. ↗

— Max Barry

#capitalism #satire #tax #freedom

I am so tired, I can hardly type these worfs. ↗

— Lemony Snicket

#purposeful-errors #tiredness #funny

He would be a consul no doubt by and by, at some foreign port, of the language of which he was ignorant; though if ignorance of language were a qualification he might have been a consul at home. ↗

— Mark Twain

#home

He could hear that musket ball droning about the room, lethally bisecting it again and again like a billiard ball going from one cushion to another. He remained crouching there for a long time before he was able to convince himself that it was quite impossible, physically speaking, scientifically speaking, for a musket ball to go on and on ricocheting like that in a rectangular room; it could only be his imagination. So he forced himself to stand up again and suffered no ill-effects; a small but significant triumph for the scientific way of looking at things. ↗

— J.G. Farrell

#satire #science #superstition #imagination

I suppose that in no educational institution can one become an educated person. ↗

— Mikhail Bulgakov

#satire #education

He had the look of one who had drunk the cup of life and found a dead beetle at the bottom. ↗

— P.G. Wodehouse

#expression #face #life #satire #life

When my TV show, 'Sports Jobs with Junior Seau,' assigned me to be a 'Sports Illustrated' reporter for a weekend, I didn't realize I'd have to squeeze it in around another sports job. I had planned to retire from the NFL to enjoy the cushy lifestyle of a full-time reality TV star, but I wound up getting run over by a bull. ↗

— Junior Seau

#around #assigned #bull #enjoy #full-time

The Greatest Generation got to save old tires, dig a Victory Garden and forgo sugar. The Richest Generation is being asked to shop. ↗

— Margaret Carlson

#being #dig #forgo #garden #generation

The tire left a skid mark on the road that looked like a mustache. So I shaved it off the pavement, stuffed it in my trunk, and took it home to wear to work the next day. Ah, but that’s life, no?
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#day #life #mustache #nonsense #pavement