#tire

How am I going to explain to my kids one day that I can't buy them a happy meal because the toy will make them fat? ↗

— Carroll Bryant

#funny-humor #funny-satire #humor #humorist #humorous

Nothing spoils romance so much as a sense of humor in the woman ↗

— Oscar Wilde

#satire #humor

Do…you…have…a…hard…time…finding…Steve’s dick?” she enunciated, enjoying Mary’s extreme discomfort. “He’s big as a fuckin’ house so I imagine it might be a bit of a problem.” The New Jersey accent that was still there after more than fifteen years in the south, resurfaced in her aggravation. ↗

— A.T. Hicks

#humor #sarcasm #satire #imagination

The truth is that men are tired of liberty. ↗

— Benito Mussolini

#men #tired #truth #truth is

This work was strictly voluntary, but any animal who absented himself from it would have his rations reduced by half. ↗

— George Orwell

#satire #tyranny #life

He had an answer to almost everything and he retired at an early age. ↗

— Dejan Stojanovic

#answer #answers #dejan-stojanovic #early-age #literature

When I was in seventh grade my mom caught me smoking cigarettes and punished me by making me smoke the entire carton. All it did was piss me off because I was out of cigarettes. ↗

— Pink

#caught #cigarettes #did #entire #grade

The last four years under President Obama have been trying and troubling for this entire country. The tired big government policies of the past have failed us. We can't afford more disappointments. We need a new direction. We need a new president. ↗

— Reince Priebus

#been #big #big government #country #direction

One thing that stands out throughout the entire year was that in South Dakota we are much more united than we are divided. Now the divided part creates news, but the united part is what moves us forward. ↗

— Mike Rounds

#dakota #divided #entire #forward #more

Retirement is a work in progress. I try to figure out my day, and what I know about myself is that I need structure. ↗

— Pete Sampras

#day #figure #i #know #myself