#to

Pervy and redundant, don't you think?" I asked the big gay cop, who wouldn't know a va-jay-jay if it bounced up to him and sang the "Star-Spangled Banner." (You ever notice that hardly anything besides the "Star-Spangled Banner" is spangled? There's no, like, the Raisin-Spangled Scone, or the Flea-Spangled Beagle. I'm just saying.) --Being the Journal of Abby Normal ↗

— Christopher Moore

#christopher-moore #love

Drunken men give some of the best pep talks. ↗

— Criss Jami

#best #conversation #drink #drinking #drunk

Neither claimed any responsibility for Milton Keynes, but both reported it as a success. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#humor #milton-keynes #humor

a technician who uses the term “glitch” is like a Doctor who tells you you’re suffering from a “thingy,” except the doctor won’t tell you to go home and try turning yourself on and off again. ↗

— John Connolly

#humor #technician #humor

Regweld is really a fine wizard," he continued, patting the shoulder again. "And his ideas for crossbreeding a horse and a frog are not without merit; never mind the explosion! Alchemy shops can be replaced! ↗

— R.A. Salvatore

#fantasy #frog #horse #humor #icewind-dale

Toronto's already ass-deep in cockroaches and conservatives; what's one more lower life-form? ↗

— Tanya Huff

#humor #toronto #humor

Kelly looked at the cop, then sighed. “What a cluster. I take it you haven’t been killing young women and leaving their half-eaten bodies in the desert?” Adam was ticked. I could tell it even if he was looking like a reasonably calm businessman. Adam’s temper was the reason he wasn’t one of Bran’s werewolf poster boys. When angered, he often gave in to impulses he wouldn’t otherwise have given in to. “Sorry to disappoint you,” Adam told Kelly in silky tones. “But I prefer rabbits. Humans taste like pork.” And then he smiled. Kelly took an involuntary step backward. Tony gave Adam a sharp look. “Let’s not make things worse, if we can help it, gentlemen. ↗

— Patricia Briggs

#humor #mercy-thompson #silver-borne #tastes-like-chicken #tony

I wondered what he would have thought if he'd known that I'd gleaned most of my information from reading historical romance novels. ↗

— Nicole Luiken

#humor #wit #humor

Thomas Bowman's toupee, alas, was never found. He was somewhat mollified by the gift of a very fine hat from Westcliff on Christmas day. ↗

— Lisa Kleypas

#toupee #humor

Nothing of importance happened today. ↗

— King George III

#history #humor #humor