#um

Well, why did you kill Jeremiah? And don't bother feeding me some story about how you just happened to wander along after he spontaneously died. I know you did this. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#humor #jace #valentine #humor

In a deep sexy voice, she said Windows don't turn me on. I raised an eyebrow at her, Mac user? ↗

— Diane Mott Davidson

#humor

What about Isabelle?" Simon asked. "Where is she?" The humor, such as it was, left Jace's expression. "She won't come out of her room," he said. "She thinks that what happened to Max was her fault. She won't even come to the funeral." "Have you tried talking to her?" "No," Jace said, "we've been punching her repeatedly in the face instead. Why, do you think that won't work?" "Just thought I'd ask." Simon's tone was mild. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#humor

I get glimpses of the horror of normalcy. Each of these innocents on the street is engulfed by a terror of their own ordinariness. They would do anything to be unique. ↗

— Katherine Dunn

#individuality #maniacal #humor

Jason straightened his shirt. “What’s ‘chauvinistic’ mean?” “It’s in the dictionary next to a picture of your father,” muttered Kyle. ↗

— Kathleen Peacock

#johanna-s-likes #humor

The weirder you're going to behave, the more normal you should look. It works in reverse, too. When I see a kid with three or four rings in his nose, I know there is absolutely nothing extraordinary about that person. ↗

— P.J. O'Rourke

#behavior #being-exceptional #humor #humor

Is there a short-eared koobish, then?' Mmmyes ...' said J.Lo. 'But it is technically not really a koobish. Is more alike a kind of singing pumpkin.' We had conversations like these all the time, where I just eventually gave up. ↗

— Adam Rex

#humor

That is a considerable amount of puppets. But ... [Proceeds to summon one hundred puppets of his own] With this, I took down a whole country ↗

— Masashi Kishimoto

#humor #naruto #sasori #humor

Mathematicians finally developed a financial model to accurately compare apples and oranges. Any two kinds of fruit can be compared, although guavas still cause minor rounding errors. ↗

— Graham Parke

#philosophy #humor

What's wrong with you? I asked myself. You are a happy person. You are an upbeat sort of person. Men smile at you on the subway, women ask you what shampoo you use. Cheer up for Christ's sake, I told myself, relax, you're fine, be happy, Girl. When I talk to myself I call myself Girl. ↗

— Jennifer Belle

#humor #optimism #humor