#um

Essentially, the whole time I’d been here, the security staff hadn’t been paid. I would have been harassing the management too, though I probably would have started with a discussion and not so much jumping straight to peeing on someone’s bed. You have to work up to that sort of thing. Still, I had essentially staged a hostile takeover, which did kind of explain why they’d been going on the offensive. ↗

— Lish McBride

#humor #humor

I feel like I should have a formation and make the plantoon sergeants demonstrate how to put a condom on the correct way." ~Evan Loehr ↗

— Jessica Scott

#romance #humor

Teaching middle school is an adventure not a job. ↗

— Angela K. Bennett

#middle-school #school #teach #teens #humor

But Erin let it slide. The child was only four years old; she had a whole lifetime to learn about sadness. Today was for Dalmatians, ice cream and new dolls. ↗

— Carl Hiaasen

#humor #mystery-novels #humor

I know exactly how strong he is... He is like a peacock, spreading his feathers and squawking loudly to distract you from the back that his body is but weak." -Jason to Mahiya ↗

— Nalini Singh

#humor

Reality was one step out of line, a cardigan with the buttons done up wrong. ↗

— Haruki Murakami

#humor #humor

Cartooning will destroy you; it will break your heart. ↗

— Charles M. Schulz

#depression #humor #humor

It was nice to hear the voices of little children at play, provided you took care to be far enough away not to hear what they were actually saying. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#hogfather #humor #terry-pratchett #humor

I look at him. "It's odious," he says. "Detention?" I ask, confused. "Huh?" We have no idea what the other is talking about. "What's odious?" I ask. "O.D.S," he says, pointing to his discman and obviously referring to some dropkick band. Like I really care. ↗

— Melina Marchetta

#humor

I`d love to sell out completely. It`s just that nobody has been willing to buy. ↗

— John Waters

#humor