#um

I can't even say 'hair pie,'' I told him, 'unless I'm talking about an actual pie made out of rabbits.... ↗

What happened, then? You're stomping through every puddle you can find and look like you're going to punch the first person you see." "Why are you hanging around, then? Aren't you worried about getting hit?" "Aw, you'd never hurt me. My face is too pretty ↗

— Richelle Mead

#funny

ago." Hrathen paused for a moment: then he repeated his introductory nod and spun around, his cloak billowing dramatically as he stalked toward the door. Sarene's prayers were not answered, however—he didn't step on it and trip himself. ↗

— Brandon Sanderson

#humor

I disconnected and made a mental note not to call Tank unless I was bleeding profusely, and he was the only other person on earth. ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#humor

It is Nixon himself who represents that dark, venal and incurably violent side of the American character that almost every country in the world has learned to fear and despise. Our Barbie-doll president, with his Barbie-doll wife and his boxful of Barbie-doll children is also America's answer to the monstrous Mr. Hyde. He speaks for the Werewolf in us; the bully, the predatory shyster who turns into something unspeakable, full of claws and bleeding string-warts on nights when the moon comes to close… ↗

— Hunter S. Thompson

#humor #politics #vicious #humor

Katy skipped over, her low-rise jeans threatening to fall off her skinny hips. With some girls, that was a sexy look. With Katy, it made you nervous. ↗

— Sara Zarr

#jeans #sexy #teenagers #humor

Shut up, you fool...Really. I’m running out of things to throw at you. ↗

— K.M. Parr

#humor

Does my grandma count as a bodyguard? ↗

— Holly Hood

#humor

Cody?” I said. “Why are you dead?” Tact. I got it. ↗

— Devon Monk

#humor

You know very well that I no longer think. I am far too intelligent for that. ↗