#um

It's a certainty, but it just might work. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#humor

Besides—only people from Arelon are taken by the Shaod. It an take Teoish people, but only if they're living in Arelon at the time. Oh, and it takes the occasional Dula as well." "I hadn't noticed. ↗

— Brandon Sanderson

#humor

Fuel-efficient my big engine is not. I drove 38 miles and burned through more than a quarter-tank of expensive premium gas. Every time I accelerated I could sense a Saudi Arabian somewhere was smiling. ↗

— C.D. Payne

#humor

If you put that straight jacket on me, I am going to pull your endocrine system out of your body. ↗

— Gary Busey

#humor

They were going to expel me. Mom convinced them not to... and got them to apologize," Fern said, almost embarrassed. Really?" Eddie said. "See, Sammy, you don't mess with the Commander, do you?" Eddie playfully hit his younger brother in the stomach with the back of his hand. When the Commander says jump...," Sam started. We say, 'yes ma'am, how high?'" Eddie ended with a forehead salute. ↗

— Jennifer Anne Kogler

#humor #humor

To Serve and Protect..."- Traditional Motto of Protection Rackets ↗

— Robert Lynn Asprin

#humor

I wana go out like I came in... Naked and Screaming! ↗

— Christopher Baker

#humor

Aaron was so gay he walked with a lisp... ↗

— Edward D. Padilla

#humor

I closed my eyes and resigned myself to the fact that my boyfriend was a pervert. He was lucky he was so cute. ↗

— J.M. Colail

#humor #lgbt #relationship #humor

Look, this is just the cemetery. It's got bylaws and things! It's not Transylvania! There's just dead people here! That doesn't make it scary, does it? Dead people are people who were living once! You wouldn't be so worked up if there were living people buried here, would you? ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#humor #humor