#um

Her chances of a decent marriage were about to be dashed-and all because of a ferret. ↗

— Lisa Kleypas

#humor #marriage #poppy #spinster #humor

No,' the professor replied. 'Her Majesty s alive and well - at least I assume so if she hasn't met a certain van driver from Yeovil.' ~Professor Hamilton ↗

— Bryan Davis

#humor #humor

Those men want to take Laurence from me, and put him in prison, and execute him, and I will not let them, ever, and I do not care if Laurence tells me not to squash you," he added, fiercely, to Lord Barham. — Temeraire ↗

— Naomi Novik

#humor #humor

If one morning I walked on top of the water across the Potomac River, the headline that afternoon would read "President Can't Swim. ↗

— Lyndon B. Johnson

#humor

Trust me, I never underestimate my charm or any of my other magnificent attributes. They work great on women. Alas, men tend to see me as an unwelcome rival. You, he might listen to. You're good at talking people into things." "What makes you say that?" "Because I'm perched in the rafters of a cannery, at risk from a man-slaying magical creature, and spending time with a drunk, a gangster, and an assassin at . . . what time is it? ↗

— Lindsay Buroker

#humor

Rob looked a little shocked. "Don't you look at me like that," I snapped at him. "Just because I can't trim a beard don't mean I can't swear." "Like a sailor," he added. "I've never heard so many curses in my whole life. All combined. ↗

— A.C. Gaughen

#snappy-dialogue #humor

Some people think this is paranoia, but it isn't. Paranoids only think everyone is out to get them. Wizards know it. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#paranoia #humor

Soul mates are said to be two souls destined to be together, programmed to recognize each other across time and space. I didn’t know whether that was the truth, but I was inclined to believe it ↗

— Jayde Scott

#romance-love #humor

Jazz hadn't given her many details of exactly what life in the Dent house had been like, but he'd told her enough that she knew it wasn't hearts and flowers. Well, except for the occasional heart cut from a chest. And the kind of flowers you send to funerals. ↗

— Barry Lyga

#humor

We've got our heads pulled low inside of our hooded sweatshirts and our eyes are shifty. We look exactly like you'd expect someone to look if they were minutes away from committing a major crime. ↗

— Kendare Blake

#humor #teenagers #humor