#um

Tell you what, you let me go, and I’ll ask you plenty of questions about your race. Until then, I’m slightly distracted with how this little vacation on the good ship Holy Sh*t is going to pan out for me.” -Jane to V ↗

— J.R. Ward

#humor #jane #paranormal #romance #vampire

I'm the Super-sized McShizzle, man!" Leo said. "I'm Leo Valdez, bad boy supreme. And the ladies love a bad boy. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#humor #leo-valdez #narissus #nymphs #humor

Just move to the Internet, its great here. We get to live inside where the weather is always awesome. ↗

— John Green

#humor #internet #nerdfighters #humor

His eyes are as green as a fresh pickled toad, His hair is as dark as a blackboard. I wish he was mine, he's really divine, The hero who conquered the Dark Lord. ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#humor #humor

It's never just a game when you're winning. ↗

— George Carlin

#humor

In love, as in life, one misheard word can be tremendously important. If you tell someone you love them, for instance, you must be absolutely certain that they have replied "I love you back" and not "I love your back" before you continue the conversation. ↗

— Lemony Snicket

#life #love #misheard-words #humor

Humanity is a parade of fools, and I am at the front of it, twirling a baton. ↗

— Dean Koontz

#humor

NO PDA,school rules. And besides she's my partner dickhead." said Alex. ↗

— Simone Elkeles

#humor

I tried to believe that there is a God, who created each of us in His own image and likeness, loves us very much, and keeps a close eye on things. I really tried to believe that, but I gotta tell you, the longer you live, the more you look around, the more you realize, something is fucked up. ↗

— George Carlin

#god #humor #humor

I'm the warlock who's here to cure you. Didn't they tell you I was coming?" "I know who you are, but..." Maia looked dazed. "You look so...so...shiny. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#magnus-bane #maia #mortal-instruments #humor