#um

Every man is blessed with his gifts from the Lord. One of mine happens to be a penis large enough that, if it had a penis of its own, my penis’s penis would be larger than your penis. ↗

— David Wong

#humor

Just so I'm clear...you thought a brothel would be a suitable place to host a birthday party for a woman? ↗

— Lindsay Buroker

#humor

If you hear voices, you’re a lunatic. If you write down what they say, you’re an author. ↗

— Dani Harper

#humor #novelist #writing #humor

That's right, bitch. Goldie Schwartz. And I'm not a fucking midget. I prefer the term 'fun sized'. ↗

— Jaye Wells

#silver-tongued-devil #humor

I don’t know what’s happened to you. You used to be such a nice girl. Now you’ve gone all stabby and whatnot. ↗

— Devon Monk

#humor

También quería que te entonara una cancioncilla, como si fuera un mensajero cantarín. —Me mira por encima del hombro, insinuando una sonrisa—. La mandé a freír espárragos. -Tucker ↗

— Cynthia Hand

#humor

[...] And those women with the camera looked loose." Excellent, Phin thought. At last, some good news. ↗

— Jennifer Crusie

#humor

I heard this story once," she said, "where this bloke got locked up for years and years and he learned amazin' stuff about the universe and everythin' from another prisoner who was incredibly clever, and then he escaped and got his revenge." "What incredibly clever stuff do you know about the universe, Gytha Ogg?" said Granny. "Bugger all," said Granny cheerfully. "Then we'd better bloody well escape right now. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#learning #prison #humor

These arent your mother's zombies! ↗

— Joe McKinney

#humor

Hegel says that Truth is a great word and the thing is greater still. With Dave we never seemed to get past the word. ↗

— Iris Murdoch

#humor