#un

Colors and scents evoke strong emotions. Lavender, both the light purple and the smell, make me feel tranquil. But another color, canary urine, reminds me of public bathrooms, and all the fond memories of waiting for Father. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #funny

My favorite thing to do is watch the radiation box. Not the TV, but the microwave. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#microwave #tv #funny

Sneaky would be a lime-green Volkswagen. Nobody would suspect the assassins in the lime-green Volkswagen. ↗

— Adam Rex

#funny #sneaky #funny

I'm sarcastic and facetious. It's hard to find those people on the first encounter. I can be nice, but I don't want nice friends. I want funny, gregarious, sarcastic, and smart friends. It's so nice to hear you're not alone. ↗

— Bertsche

#funny

Stop hiding condoms in my stuff. It's like some twisted Easter egg hunt in there. ↗

— Alyxandra Harvey

#funny #lucy #over-protective #funny

With the Book hitching rides, hiding on people, guess we’re all going to be dressing like skanks for a while, huh? Skintight or skin. Dude, everybody’s everything’s gonna be hanging out, and some o’ those fat chicks at the abbey are gonna gross my eyeballs right outta my head. Muffin tops and camel toes, gah! ↗

— Karen Marie Moning

#funny #funny

...Don't you just hate a phony-looking stiff?" - Aunt Edna ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#funny

That is a horrid temptation to put before a man who is forbidden to make vigorous movements,” he said. “Is it really?” she said. “No wonder Miles did not approve. He looked daggers at me.” “Maybe his face froze that way,” Rupert said. “He was looking daggers at me a few hours ago. Do you think he suspects?” “I think he knows ,” she said. “I’m glad I don’t have a sister,” he said. “I should have to get over my aversion to killing people.” -Rupert and Daphne ↗

— Loretta Chase

#mr-impossible #rupert #funny

Screw you! You're a crappy best friend!!! ↗

— Jenny Han

#funny

It means you got your glow on." He smiled, hovering right alongside me. "It means you're on your way. ↗

— Alyson Noel

#funny #glow #funny