#up

The werewolf pointed at a bench next to the door into the Kirkwoods’ tomb. “Sit. Wait.” Did I mention werewolves were chatty? ↗

— Mindee Arnett

#just-kidding-not-really #supernatural #humor

Why, a four-year-old child could understand this report. Run out and find me a four-year-old child. I can't make head nor tail out of it. ↗

— Groucho Marx

#humor #humor

Being beautiful is accomplished everytime you don't wear make-up ↗

— Alice

#life-and-living #make-up #beauty

Sophie was a walking truth serum. If she was touching bare skin, she could yank the truth out of you like a loose tooth. I’d spent several unpleasant hours in her company during the Council’s screening process for humans who planned to work with vampires. That’s when I learned that you don’t refer to Buffy, the Winchesters, or even the Frog Brothers from The Lost Boys in front of Council officials. They do not have a sense of humor about that sort of entertainment. ↗

— Molly Harper

#supernatural #the-lost-boys #humor

S...For Stupendous! T...For Tiger, ferocity of! U...For Underwear, Red! P...For Power, Incredible! E...For excellent physique! N...For...Um...Something..Hm, well, I'll come back to that... D...For Determination! U...For...Wait, How do you spell this? Is it "I"?? ↗

— Bill Watterson

#super-heroes #humor

I'm going to go throw up now, because ive turned into my dad. If vomiting doesn't work, I'll see if I can get an exorcism. ↗

— Veronica Blade

#growing-up #humor #humorous #humor

I blew that clay pigeon to smithereens. I don't know why Mum got so upset. According to Uncle Andrew she's a crack shot herself. But she says I'm too young. What I'd like to know is how old does a person have to be before they get to do all the fun stuff? ↗

— R.L. LaFevers

#humor #supernatural #humor

If she’d been born at the right time they would have burned her over in Salem. ↗

— John Updike

#comic #humor #john-updike #humor

Fortunately, he'd found that most people were easy to locate at five thirty in the morning. . ↗

— Patricia Briggs

#charles-cornick #cry-wolf #humor #morning #wake-up

All three combined is...a different kind of stupid formerly unheard of by humankind. ↗

— Veronica Roth

#stupidity #humor