#us

Hello, little girl," he said, which was only his first big mistake. "I'm sure you want to know all about hedgehogs, eh?" "I did this one last year," said Tiffany. The man looked closer, and his grin faded. "Oh, yes," he said. "I remember. You asked all those... little questions." "I would like a question answered today," said Tiffany. "Provided it's not one about how you get baby hedgehogs," said the man. "No," said Tiffany patiently. "It's about zoology." "Zoology, eh? That's a big word, isn't it." "No, actually it isn't," said Tiffany. "Patronizing is a big word. Zoology is really quite small. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#humor

At the end of the warehouse was a dais constructed from pallets of books: stack of vampire novels, walls of James Patterson thrillers, and a throne from about a thousand copies of something called The Five Habits of Highly Aggressive Women. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#heroes-of-olympus #humor #percy-jackson-and-the-olympians #the-son-of-neptune #humor

Sergeant Colon of the Ankh-Morpork City Guard was on duty. He was guarding the Brass Bridge, the main link between Ankh and Morpork. From theft. When it came to crime prevention, Sergeant Colon found it safest to think big. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#humor

One never realizes how different a husband and wife can be until they begin to pack for a trip. ↗

— Erma Bombeck

#humor

Watching TV mum said," Do you miss your dad?" And I said," Who? ↗

— Louise Rennison

#humor #lousie-rennison #humor

Men exist because a vibrator can't fix a flat tire. On second thought, I should just buy a AAA card... ↗

— Jill Shalvis

#humor

In the middle of the night I am awakened by a sound. I sit up abruptly in bed. I hear it again. It's music. Wait, it sounds like the ice cream man, in our house. Is this some kind of twisted nightmare? The flipping ice cream man, breaking in to chop us all up in our beds to the tune of 'Zippity Do Dah'?... My heart slows. I remember. There is no psycho ice cream man here. It is just our new musical soap dispenser... ↗

— Deb Caletti

#humor

What?" Jace was still staring at her as if she'd told him she had found one of the Silent Brothers doing nude cartwheels in the hallway. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#humor

In recent weeks it has come to my attention that many caravans have met with disaster; they have not gotten through." I grunted wisely. "Probably ran out of water. That's the thing about deserts. Dry." "Indeed. A fascinating analysis. But survivors reaching Hebron report differently: monsters fell upon them in the wastes." "What, fell upon them in a squashed-them kind of way?" "More the leaped-out-and-slew-them kind. (...) ↗

— Jonathan Stroud

#humor #humor

But they're already singing our praises!" "They are Americans. They toot their horns for anything. ↗

— Scott Westerfeld

#enthusiasm #humor #humor