#us

If we happened to be in rehearsal downstairs in my room and a neighbor padded across the lawn to rap gently on the window and ask us to please be more quiet, Natalie might simply lift up her skirt and mash her vagina against the window while extending her middle finger. ↗

— Augusten Burroughs

#humor #hysterical #vagina #humor

Hippo in a skirt: this was a comic reference to one of Solomon's principal wives, the one from Moab. Childish? Yes. But in the days before printing we had limited opportunities for satire. ↗

— Jonathan Stroud

#humor #humor

Accept that some days you’re the bug, and some days you’re going to be the windshield. ↗

— Jill Shalvis

#humor

She was a thin woman in a mustard-yellow suit, with a yellowish complexion, short-cropped rusty red hair, and a stiff posture. She reminded Reynie of a giant walking pencil. ↗

— Trenton Lee Stewart

#the-mysterious-benedict-society #humor

Reyna looked at Percy without much hope. “You do have a plan?” Percy wanted to step forward bravely and say, No, I don’t! ↗

— Rick Riordan

#percy-jackson #percy-jackson-and-the-olympians #plans #reyna #the-heroes-of-olympus

Songwriting is a bitch. And then it has puppies ↗

— Steven Tyler

#humor #music #songwriting #humor

Remember, you’re unique. And so is everyone else. ↗

— Jill Shalvis

#humor

I must have your promise, Coach, that you won't hurt her." "I promise." "You spoke a bit too quickly for my taste. I don't quite believe you." "I'm a man of my word, and I promise that I won't hurt her.When I murder her, I'll do it real quick, so she won't feel a thing." Viktor sighed. "That's exactly what I was afraid of. ↗

— Susan Elizabeth Phillips

#humor #susan-elizabeth-phillips #humor

The nursery rhyme ends when a spider comes along and frightens Miss Muffet straight off her tuffet. I have wondered about what kind of lesson this is for a young girl. If you're eating your curds and whey and a spider comes along, I don't think there's anything wrong with picking up a newspaper, smashing it, and going back to your breakfast. ↗

— Sloane Crosley

#humor

Unbelievable! I said, "What would I be doing walking the streets at night as a stuffed olive- gate-crashing cocktail parties? ↗

— Louise Rennison

#humor #lousie-rennison #humor