#us

She gave me another of those long keen looks, and I could see that she was again asking herself if her favourite nephew wasn't steeped to the tonsils in the juice of the grape. ↗

— P.G. Wodehouse

#humorous #wodehouse #humor

Anyone can have an off decade. ↗

— Larry Cole

#humor #losers #self-effacement #humor

Next to a circus there ain't nothing that packs up and tears out any quicker than the Christmas spirit ↗

— Kin Hubbard

#circus #humor #humor

No one could honestly say that a musical makes sense. ↗

— Siegfried Kracauer

#humorous #humor

I didn’t ask for your help,” I muttered, too exhausted to properly argue. “So fuck you.” An alarm bell went off in my head and I bit back a sigh. I swore I sensed the mischievous grin that inevitably crossed his lips. “I already did you.” It was going to be a long drive. ↗

— Natasha McNeely

#humor #succubus #humor

You can't just fly into the Great Coat, shoot your way into Bluewater, and take Kai and his father,' I told him. 'Why not?' 'Cause you can't. They'll killl you, for one thing.' Ulysses scratched his beard. 'Hmm. Need a better plan. ↗

— Cameron Stracher

#use-ur-head #humor

The colonel dwelt in a vortex of specialists who were still specializing in trying to determine what was troubling him. They hurled lights in his eyes to see if he could see, rammed needles into nerves to hear if he could feel. There was a urologist for his urine, a lymphologist for his lymph, an endocrinologist for his endocrines, a psychologist for his psyche, a dermatologist for his derma; there was a pathologist for his pathos, a cystologist for his cysts, and a bald and pendantic cetologist from the zoology department at Harvard who had been shanghaied ruthlessly into the Medical Corps by a faulty anode in an I.B.M. machine and spent his sessions with the dying colonel trying to discuss Moby Dick with him. ↗

— Joseph Heller

#humor

Dressing, I chose the second shirt, the one softened in the mouth of a trained and perfumed albino hippopotamus and made entirely of pigeon's wool, because it goes better with the shoes than the one stitched with baby hair. ↗

— Nick Harkaway

#humor #shirt #wool #humor

and (b) Kissing someone so that you can get a free trip is perilously close to full-on hooking ↗

— John Green

#humor

A girl with plenty to do is sure to draw the interest of a man who's worth knowing. Be sure to get a hobby girls. ↗

— Barbara Jean Coast

#humor