#v

You keep distracting me,” I tell her. “All I’m doing is sitting here talking to you!” “Exactly,” I say, and I smile at her.j ↗

— Jodi Picoult

#distraction #humor #love #oliver #humor

From now on when a boy starts telling me about his lost loves I am going to run in the opposite direction screaming loudly... Somehow I bring out such confidences, and I'm pretty sick of hearing about Bobbe or Dorothy or P.K. or Liota. God damn them all. ↗

— Sylvia Plath

#lost-loves #humor

I have never been to a court s gracious as the one Neha keeps. Dmitri played a knife through his fingers, one of the three he'd brought back from Neha's territory. "She truly believes in giving honor to a visitor." He threw to knife at Jason. "He threw it back as Venom added, "Thought she might have that guest neatly executed as the court sleeps. ↗

— Nalini Singh

#humor

Interviewer: Have you ever considered writing nonfiction? Mary Doria Russell: Oh, honey, I did! Let's see...There was "A Reconsideration of the Evidence for Cannibalism at the Krapina Neandertal Site." That was a big hit. And who could ever forget "Cutmarks on the Engis II Calvarium"? Then there was "Browridge Development as a Function of Bending Stress in the Supraorbital Region." I got tons of reprint requests for that one. Trust me fiction is better. ↗

— Mary Doria Russell

#humor #interviews #science #humor

He gives me the hairy eyeball, and asks me to help him find his pancreas. ↗

— A. Lee Martinez

#humor #vampire #humor

It was pretty late and the streets were quiet so she was almost sure no one had seen her drag the soul eater into the alley... where she cut his head off with a samurai sword. God, she loved her life. ↗

— Samantha Young

#samurai #sword #violent #humor

I'm a virgin, Ariel," I whispered conspiratorially. "Sealed up like a Swiss bank account. ↗

— Shelly Crane

#humor #virgin #humor

Self editing is the path to the dark side. Self editing leads to self delusion, self delusion leads to missed mistakes, missed mistakes lead to bad reviews. Bad reviews are the tools of the dark side. ↗

— Eric T. Benoit

#humor #reviews #yoda #humor

Some other memories of the funeral have stuck in my mind. The old boy’s face, for instance, when he caught up with us for the last time, just outside the village. His eyes were streaming with tears, of exhaustion or distress, or both together. But because of the wrinkles they couldn’t flow down. They spread out, crisscrossed, and formed a smooth gloss on the old, worn face. ↗

— Albert Camus

#vivid-description #humor

And at that moment, a lilting melody lifts to the moon as a single sparrow sings. ↗

— Lisa Ann Sandell

#medieval #love