#val

You look angry," he said. "You put me on hold." "For a very good reason." "You put me," she said very, very slowly, "on hold. ↗

— Derek Landy

#humor #skeleton #valykrie #funny

You've done what?" "I know," he said. "You're impressed. You send me out for bread and I come back with a boy. Well, not literally. That would be weird. Even for me. ↗

— Derek Landy

#humour #kingdom-of-the-wicked #skulduggery #valykrie #funny

Valentine's day without your love is like a year without the Internet. ↗

— Santosh Kalwar

#internet #love #valentines-day #funny

Odd as this might sound, I suppose I’m glad you’re here, Jacob. [Edward Cullen] ↗

— Stephenie Meyer

#rivalry #friendship

Donegan Bane and Gracious O'Callahan - the Monster Hunters. Adventurers, inventors, authors of Monster Hunting for Beginners and it's sequels, Monster Hunting for Beginners is Probably Inadvisable and Seriously, Dude, Stop Monster Hunting. ↗

— Derek Landy

#funny #girl #gracious #humour #hunting

I seduce women by making women feel like they are seducing me. And I allow them to pay for that privilege. And as we all know, you value what you pay for more than what you’re given for free. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#privilege #seduce #value #funny

Unless the object of the singer’s affection is a vampire, surely what Hart means is unphotogenic. Only vampires are unphotographable, but affectionate ‘-enic’ rhymes are hard to come by. ↗

— Stephen Sondheim

#lyricism #my-funny-valentine #rhymes #songwriting #valentine

I think you're crazy good at this survival stuff, Cary." His shoulders sag. He gives me a small, relieved smile and we start walking again, his step a little lighter than it was before. It feels strange to have that kind of power over someone. "I mean, you're crazy good at it for a stoner who couldn't seem to get his shit together academically at all," I add. ↗

— Courtney Summers

#drugs #funny #humor #survival #funny

Hang your merit. I don't seek anyone's approbation. ↗

— Fyodor Dostoyevsky

#approval #black-humor #disapproval #dishonesty #funny

Cleansing and clearing are two words which suit the essence of Imbolc, as this is February, the Roman month of purification. This can be a cleansing of the self, in undertaking a good ‘detox’, or a clearing and cleansing of the home, in keeping with the tradition of spring-cleaning. ↗

— Carole Carlton

#carole-carlton #imbolc #irish-celts #lughnasadh #moon-magic