#vamp

That’s funny. You would think after being followed and shoved into a dark alley by a stranger, you would be at least a little shaken. Don’t tell me, you are a black belt just waiting for the perfect moment to strike.” He laughed soundlessly. “I mean your words do sound brave but your eyes and the fact that you’re trembling like a scared little kitten say something else entirely.” Even though the alley was submerged in darkness and shadows, it was obvious there was a devilish grin stretched across his face... ↗

— Nicole Rae

#clandestine #scary-humor #slayer #supernatural #vampire

Come on, it is a guest bedroom! If you want your guests to feel at home, they should be allowed to do whatever they do at home! ↗

— Daniele Lanzarotta

#imprinted-souls-series #nicholas #shattered-souls #vampires #home

Mom. I have something to tell you. I’m undead. Now, I know you may have some preconceived notions about the undead. I know you may not be comfortable with the idea of me being undead. But I’m here to tell you that undead are just like you and me … well, okay. Possibly more like me than you. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#humor #mortal-instruments #simon #vampire #humor

I have been stabbed, shot, burned, bitten, beaten unconscious too many times to count, and even staked. None of those held a candle to the pain I felt at seeing his mouth on hers. ↗

— Jeaniene Frost

#vampire #humor

That's brain tissue. How can you-?" Claire shut her mouth, fast. "Never mind. I don't think I wanna know." "Truly, I think that's best. Please take it." He showed his teeth briefly in a very unsettling grin. "I'm giving you a piece of my mind." "I so wish you hadn't said that. ↗

— Rachel Caine

#humor #vampires #humor

The train is roaring toward you and the villain is twirling his moustache and you're fussing that he's tied you to the tracks with the wrong kind of rope. ↗

— Robin McKinley

#vampire #villians #humor

He's not doing anything he shouldn't be doing, right?" "Like what?" "Like hitting on you." "Ew. No, of course not. He doesn't see me that way." Michael shook his head and went back to his coffee. "What? You think he does?" "Sometimes he looks at you a little... oddly, that's all. Maybe you're right. Maybe he just wants you for your blood." "Again, Ew! What's with you this morning?" "Not enough coffee. ↗

— Rachel Caine

#funny #ghost-town #humor #michael-glass #morganville-vampires

Sure,” she said, and hugged the laptop bag closer. “What could go wrong?” Michael’s eyes flashed to meet hers in the rearview mirror. Besides everything, I mean,” she said. ↗

— Rachel Caine

#humor #morganville-vampires #humor

Yo, cop. We're heading for Screamer's. You wanna come?" Butch looked up at the doorway. Vishous was in the hall with Rhage and Phury behind him. The vampires had expectant looks on their faces, like they honestly wanted to hang with him. Butch found himself grinning like the new kid who didn't have to sit alone at lunch after all. ↗

— J.R. Ward

#vampires #humor

Easy. Peasy ↗

— P.C. Cast

#humor #vampire #humor