#vamp

For most vampires, it's an automatic response - scent blood, fangs drop. ↗

— J.A. London

#funny #vampires #funny

Shane, honey, in Morganville, friends are the only things that keep you alive. ↗

— Rachel Caine

#morganville-vampires #the-dead-girls-dance #funny

It's a sweet setup, I'll admit. For all that the maids STILL show up each day with jumbo crucifixes, jumpy movements, and red eyes from crying over the short straw that drew them vampire duty.' Yesterday, she'd just stopped herself from raising her clenched hands above her head and chasing one of them around the room groaning, 'I vant to suck your blood. ↗

— Kresley Cole

#kresley-cole #vampire #vampires #funny

Now that we know you're not a hundred percent vampire you should stop trying to suck necks," I said to Ziggy. "I'll try," Ziggy said, "but it's a hard habit to break. ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#stephine-plum #vampire #funny

Ha," I said. "Oh, ha-ha. Yeah, ’cause they love me. You see how many vampires are up here? Zero, right?" One," said Eric, stepping out of the stairwell. ↗

— Charlaine Harris

#quinn #sookie-stackhouse #vampire #love

Vampires have credit cards?" "We're undead, not Amish. ↗

— Jennifer Colgan

#humor #vampires #funny

Unless the object of the singer’s affection is a vampire, surely what Hart means is unphotogenic. Only vampires are unphotographable, but affectionate ‘-enic’ rhymes are hard to come by. ↗

— Stephen Sondheim

#lyricism #my-funny-valentine #rhymes #songwriting #valentine

Besides, my drinking blood's not nearly as weird as that time I caught you shaving your legs." "I was curious! ↗

— Molly Harper

#funny #jane-jameson #molly-harper #nice-girls-don-t-have-fangs #vampire

That’s funny. You would think after being followed and shoved into a dark alley by a stranger, you would be at least a little shaken. Don’t tell me, you are a black belt just waiting for the perfect moment to strike.” He laughed soundlessly. “I mean your words do sound brave but your eyes and the fact that you’re trembling like a scared little kitten say something else entirely.” Even though the alley was submerged in darkness and shadows, it was obvious there was a devilish grin stretched across his face... ↗

— Nicole Rae

#clandestine #scary-humor #slayer #supernatural #vampire

Come on, it is a guest bedroom! If you want your guests to feel at home, they should be allowed to do whatever they do at home! ↗

— Daniele Lanzarotta

#imprinted-souls-series #nicholas #shattered-souls #vampires #home