#ward

I feel like grabbing my crotch and checking to see if my balls are still there because I think they may be in her pocket and I need to get them back. ↗

— Katja Millay

#humor #josh-bennett #nastya-kashnikov #humor

Okay, okay, okay … go to your corners, boys. This is a nice Aubusson carpet you’re standing on. You get blood on it and I’ll have Fritz so far up my ass I’ll be coughing on his hankie. ↗

— J.R. Ward

#jr-ward #lover-mine #vampires #ward #humor

Drop something?" he asked, trying to suppress a smile but failing miserably at the act. I nodded and smiled back at him sheepishly, unable to find my voice to respond in any other way. "Interested in locks, I see," he commented. I nodded again. "Well, here you go," he said, and he handed the book to me. I nodded. Oh crap, why did I just nod? Take the book! I screamed inside my head. Take it! I took it slowly. He kept looking at me, smiling. ↗

— Markelle Grabo

#humor #love #nerves #humor

An ordinary man can enjoy breakfasting on juice and rye bread. But when you are underfed, scorned, miserable or just plain bored, you don’t want to eat dull wholesome food. You want something a little more colourful, exciting, tastier, meatier and juicier. ↗

— R.S. Vern

#animated #cat-haee #cathaee #children-s-books #dark

How many kids are in the Graveyard?" "A bunch." "Who sends your supplies?" "George Washington. Or is it Abraham Lincoln? I forget." "How often do you receive new arrivals?" "About as often as you beat your wife. ↗

— Neal Shusterman

#humorous #risa-ward #sarcasm #sarcastic #snark

Zaphod did not want to tangle with them and, deciding that just as discretion is the better part of valor, so was cowardice is the better part of discretion, he valiantly hid himself in a closet. ↗

— Douglas Adams

#cowardice #humor #humor

Isn't it supposed to be like this?" He smiled. "The glory of first love, and all that. It's incredible, isn't it, the difference between reading about something, seeing it in the pictures, and experiencing it?" "Very different," I agreed. "More forceful than I'd imagined. ↗

— Stephenie Meyer

#edward-cullen #first-love #twilight #imagination

It's all right Vishous" she said "It's going to be all right." "I do not crave this." But he needed it before he became a danger to himself and others. "I know. And I love you, too." " You are a blessing beyond measure," He pronounced in the Old Language. And then he bowed to her and turned away. -Marissa and Vishous ↗

— J.R. Ward

#jr-ward #vishous #love

For I am in love. For the first time in my life, utterly and completely, I have fallen in love, and I can not believe it myself. ↗

— Philippa Gregory

#the-boleyn-inheritance #life

I must confess. Of all of the brotherhood, he was the one I loved first and he remains the one I love the most. For me, he is just the...one. ↗

— J.R. Ward

#zsadist #love