#we

Why send roses? Wouldn’t it be more romantic to deliver a dozen orgasms? For only $19.95, I’ll deliver them to your woman any day of the year. But be sure to book early for Valentine’s Day.
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— Jarod Kintz

#flowers #funny #humor #love #naughty

Hang up the phone on a vampire, the definition of carefree. ↗

— Steve Aylett

#life #love #weird #humor

Minsk! How pissed-off that sounded! It was great. You could scare the bejayzus out of someone if you said it right. ↗

— Marian Keyes

#swear-words #humor

We are the generation of Social Media, Our biggest Revolution is a Tweet of 141 Characters. ↗

— Sandra Chami Kassis

#humor #ideas #mind-power #revolution #sarcasm

Aw, kiss him, Gwen, clamored a hundred perky eggs. Shut up, she rebuked. We don't even know him, and until moments ago we thought he was dead. That's no way to start a relationship. ↗

— Karen Marie Moning

#eggs #gwen #humorous #karen-marie-moning #kiss

In one scene, when I was supposed to say, "In a pig's eye you are," what came out was, "In a pig's ass you are." Old habits die awfully hard. ↗

— Ava Gardner

#humor #improvising #night-of-the-iguana #swearing #humor

My brother got shot three times two months ago, and he didn’t get the fever.” “I bet your family gets shot at a lot, huh? ↗

— Shelly Laurenston

#humor #lock #family

Did you ever think about the creation of the flame-thrower? Someone, somewhere, at some time must have been sitting on his porch, and said, thoughtfully, 'I want to set him on fire.' gesturing to his neighbor. His friend who sat beside him and happened to be handy with tools said, 'I can do that.' Thus, we have a flame thrower. ↗

— John Larson

#humor #inventions #humor

He offered her power, money, status... a giant prison, all in exchange for only...her soul. ↗

— Coco J. Ginger

#love #lovers #money #power #prison

Thank you for loving me like you love me. Thank you for showing me that we don't always have to be strong to be there for each other--that it's okay to be weak, so long as we're there. ↗

— Colleen Hoover

#love #strength #weakness #love