#y

Hermes's eyes twinkled. "Martha, may I have the first package, please?" Martha opened her mouth ... and kept opening it until it was as wide as my arm. She belched out a stainless steel canister-an old-fashioned lunch box thermos with a black plastic top. The sides of the thermos were enameled with red and yellow Ancient Greek scenes-a hero killing a lion; a hero lifting up Cerberus, the three-headed dog. "That's Hercules," I said. "But how-" "Never question a gift," Hermes chided. "This is a collector's item from Hercules Busts Heads. The first season." "Hercules Busts Heads?" "Great show." Hermes sighed. "Back before Hephaestus-TV was all reality programming. Of course, the thermos would be worth much more if I had the whole lunch box- ↗

— Rick Riordan

#collectible #gift #hercules #hermes #humor

You are a terror, aren't you? Leave this yard alone. I know just where everything is in it, and I won't be able to find the things I need for my transport spells if you tidy them up.' So there was probably a bundle of souls or a box of chewed hearts somewhere out here, Sophie thought. She felt really thwarted. ‘Tiding up is what I’m here for!’ she shouted at Howl. ‘Then you must think of a new meaning for you life,’ Howl said. ↗

— Diana Wynne Jones

#howl #howl-s-moving-castle #humor #sophie #humor

And what about us? Do you want a vampire boyfriend?" He laughed bitterly. "Because I forsee many romantic picnics in our future. You, drinking a virgin piña colada. Me, drinking the blood of a virgin. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#cassandra-clare #city-of-ashes #clary-fray #fun #humor

Violet: "You're an asshole." Onyx: "Thank you, it's something that took an eternity to perfect. ↗

— Jessica Shirvington

#demons #humor #ya #humor

A drummer is usually like the backbone. ↗

— Brody Armstrong

#drummer #like #usually

I have never been over fond of scenes anywhere. ↗

— Chris Bailey

#been #fond #i #never #over

I'm brilliant as well as skilled," he said modestly. "It's a great burden, all of that on top of my angelic good looks. But I try to soldier on as best I can. ↗

— Jim Butcher

#humor #vanity #humor

He dodged remarkably fast for a melancholy introvert. ↗

— Lisa Mantchev

#humor #speedy #humor

First of all, let's get one thing straight. Your Italy and our Italia are not the same thing. Italy is a soft drug peddled in predictable packages, such as hills in the sunset, olive groves, lemon trees, white wine, and raven-haired girls. Italia, on the other hand, is a maze. It's alluring, but complicated. It's the kind of place that can have you fuming and then purring in the space of a hundred meters, or in the course of ten minutes. Italy is the only workshop in the world that can turn out both Botticellis and Berlusconis. ↗

— Beppe Severgnini

#italians #italy #humor

Maugham then offers the greatest advice anyone could give to a young author: "At the end of an interrogation sentence, place a question mark. You'd be surprised how effective it can be. ↗

— Woody Allen

#interrogation-marks #irony #writing-advice #writing-tips #humor