#y

To Trin Tragula's horror, the shock completely annihilated her brain; but to his satisfaction he realized that he had proved conclusively that if life is going to exist in a Universe of this size, then the one thing it cannot afford to have is a sense of proportion. ↗

— Douglas Adams

#humor #philosophy #humor

You either trust me or you don't. I've never let you down, and I won't walk away unless you make me. Period. Now, unless you have a real emergency, I'd like to get back to my vacation. And my corpse, thanks. ↗

— Jeaniene Frost

#cat-crawfield #catherine-crawfield #funny #humor #jeaniene-frost

We need to get you to stop thinking of me as a friend, and start thinking of me as that incredibly hot mechanic you’re sleeping with.” “You are a friend, why do we need to do that?” “Because you’re stiff as a board and not in the way I want you to be. ↗

— Elle Parker

#humor #humor

I felt very close to God.... My friends say that's because I was always on my knees. ↗

— Armistead Maupin

#gay #humor #innuendo #humor

I Twitter (or Facebook) therefore I am ↗

— Jayce O'Neal

#humor #jayce-oneal #humor

If you lie there much longer, I’ll be tempted to tie you to the table legs and try buttering your ass instead of the toast. ↗

— Cari Silverwood

#humor #sexy #humor

Love is a winding mountainous road. Do you have an extra unicycle and handlebar mustache I can borrow?
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humor #love #mountains #mustache #mustaches

In spite of myself, I gave a snort. "Just once, I'd like to hear a simple, straightforward prophecy. ↗

— Cameron Dokey

#prophecy #humor

I can’t chitchat and make breakfast at the same time. You could help, you know, instead of standing there like the Queen of England. Although you’re a lot better-looking. ↗

— Susan Elizabeth Phillips

#humor #funny

History is gossip that's been legitimized, and that's really the case when you get into some of the Roman historians. Wow! They'd be right at home on reality tv. ↗

— Esther M. Friesner

#humor #reality-tv #writing #humor