#z

Sometimes I wish I had an easy answer for why I'm depressed. ↗

— Ned Vizzini

#its-kind-of-a-funny-story #ned-vizinni #funny

We're clear," she said. "You're kind of a psycho. I get that ↗

— Rachel Caine

#funny #morganville-vampires #funny

What is it? Tens, I can see the stick up your arse from here. I'm dying remember? Dying people don't have time for silly moods ↗

— Amber Kizer

#funny #meridian #mrs-fulbright #funny

Each memory rips through me, and although I stow myself against the emotions, I can’t prevent the pain that accompanies each image. Pain for a love never acknowledged, pain for a friendship now gone. Pain for a loss I can’t possibly endure. ↗

— Christine Fonseca

#loss #pain #sacrifice #zane #friendship

I’ve always wondered about people who live in their cars. I’ll bet for them ordering a pizza is kind of tricky. Should they have it delivered, or should they pick it up? ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#pizza #funny

Maybe it was me," Grandma said."Sometimes they sneak out.Did I fart? ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#granmda-mazur #humor #stephanie-plum #funny

Are you suggesting I’m working with the zombies? That I paid them to pretend to attack me so that I’d trick you into letting me join you?”“Did you?” Mr. Holland demanded.“Yeah, okay,” I said in a sugar-sweet tone. “You’re right. I was having dinner with Zombie Carl the other night. You know, steaks, rare, and a bottle of vintage type A. He told me all his secrets, but too bad for you I promised him I wouldn’t tell. In exchange I asked him to gather his best undead buddies and stalk me through my friend’s yard. And oh, yeah, it was totally fine if they wanted to use me as an all-night dinner buffet, because having organs is so last season. ↗

— Gena Showalter

#paranormal-romance #sarcasm #zombie #funny

Furthermore--though it was quite irrelevant now--he had no idea his killer, Kazuo Kiriyama, had, in his mansion that was much larger than Toshinori's home in Shiroiwa-cho, mastered the violin at a level far superior to Toshinori's a long time ago--and then tossed his violin into the trash. ↗

— Koushun Takami

#kazuo #violin #funny

Are you Darah, Renee or Taylor? You look like a Taylor to me," he said, looking me up and down. I wasn't at my best, considering I was dressed for moving heavy objects in a blue UMaine t-shirt and black soccer shorts, and I had my light brown hair in a haphazard bun against the back of my neck. His eyes raked up and down twice, and for some reason the way he assessed me made me blush and want to kick him in the balls at the same time. "There must be a mistake," I said. He adjusted his bag on his shoulder. "That's a creative name. What do you shorten it to? Missy? ↗

— Chelsea M. Cameron

#funny #hunter-zaccadelli #missy #my-favorite-mistake #taylor-and-hunter

He begged to know to which of his fair cousins the excellency of its cookery was owing. Briefly forgetting her manners, Mary grabbed her fork and leapt from her chair onto the table. Lydia, who was seated nearest her, grabbed her ankle before she could dive at Mr. Collins and, presumably, stab him about the head and neck for such an insult. ↗

— Seth Grahame-Smith

#honour #pride-and-prejudice-and-zombies #funny