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I often go outside naked on a warm night to flaunt my erect penis. It's really exciting to walk quietly while it swings side-to-side. And I'm not to going to claim that I'm ever tempted to masturbate while I'm out there.
I'm certainly not going to mention the small hole in my neighbor's garage wall. The hole is about three feet off the ground and fits loosely around my erection. If you were watching you would certainly not see two soft, bouncing buttocks as I desperately try to reach orgasm--barely able to tolerate the rubbing of the rough wood against my penis shaft until my pelvis finally flattens against the wall and the warm semen spurts into the interior darkness.
On other nights, you wouldn't see me squatting down on the low garden faucet, with my sputtering anus positioned firmly on the faucet handle or against the downward curving spigot, unhappily bearing my weight, as my thumb and two fingers vigorously stroke my pink cigar.
Now about that trailer ball-hitch on my other neighbor's car out front. I would definitely not claim that it spends more time lodged between my naughty buttocks then pulling trailers in any given week. But I do sometimes worry about the semen stains on the driveway concrete.
Today I got home from work and went straight to the shower. Before I got in to wash myself I inserted my buttplug into my arsehole. I did my usual shower routine and normally I push it out before I get out so I can clean it. But today I thought fuck it and left it in. I walked around the supermarket with this thing up my shithole, clenching and relaxing. Every hot girl I saw was subjected to a clench and a private fantasy. I picked out the most attractive, young checkout girl I could find and had a good old daydream about fucking her in the arse while I have my buttplug in. She'd be so disgusted if she knew what I was thinking. I came home just before and the plug was causing me some discomfort due to sitting on it for an hour or so, so I went to the bathroom and pulled it out of my hole.
All of this was so I can have the biggest hardest wank later. I'm gonna shoot for the ceiling on this one!
This is how I once solved a basic biological challenge. The solution wasn't ideal, but (almost) the best available, I believe.
I was driving on a summer vacation trip and felt a mild twinge or two in my stomach. After a few minutes, I pulled into a supermarket parking lot where I had shopped on previous trips. Right after getting out of my car and locking the doors, I realized that I was in big trouble, and remembered a toilet in the back of the store. After just a few steps, I needed to clench my anus very tightly to avoid the unthinkable.
Finally, I was in the store and heading for the back, but I didn't know whether the toilet was at the right or left end; and maybe it was out of service, or maybe the only toilet stall was occupied. The pain was almost unbearable, and I knew I didn't have time to investigate the toilet situation and then return to my car if necessary; so I decided to immediately return to my car.
Somehow I made it back to my car without losing control, and with a new plan that required using things that were already in the car. I quickly installed the windshield sunshade for privacy, and gathered up a large plastic kitchen bowl and a small white-colored plastic bag with handles. Then I undressed, placed the bowl in the driver's seat, and squatted with my bottom inside the bowl and my knees up by my shoulders–still tightly clenching my anus.
Finally, holding the plastic bag open underneath my bottom, and hoping it was positioned correctly, I relaxed and achieved wonderful relief as the waste quickly rushed into the bag.
Thorough wiping wasn't too difficult and I put the used tissues in the waste bag and tied the opening. Then I put the waste bag into another small plastic bag and also tied it closed. Finally, I placed the tied-up bags in a third larger plastic bag, tied it up, got dressed again, and carried the bags across the parking lot to a small trash basket mounted on a roof column in front of an ice cream shoppe.
Then I returned to my car and rested for awhile–reflecting on my accomplishments in the face of desperate pain–and finally returned to the store to do my food shopping–now relaxed, refreshed, and re-energized.
Now, a few final considerations: (1) The parking lot had a security guard, so I needed to be especially discreet. (2) The waste disposal location wasn't good, but I was afraid of attracting unwanted attention if I walked out of my way to use a more distant trash basket. (3) I did try to remove excess air from each bag before tying the open end. (4) Later, I did realize that I should have waited and found a better disposal location.
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