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For years now I've engaged in masturbation sessions while talking to phone helpline counsellors about fictitious issues that have a sexual undertone but never directly relate to sex. Having my mind taken off the fact that I'm playing with my cock enables me to edge for hours and with the addition of aphrodisiacs in the form of recreational stimulant drugs it can be mind blowingly intense and orgasmic for a prolonged period. I make sure I have ample time and set the mood so I can totally relax and get into my story of anxiety and guilt over my varied self destructive behaviours with my unsuspecting phone counsellor/sex operator. The more concerned and sympathetic they are the more arousing it is. They use terms like " I imagine it's very hard " or " you sound like you need to take control " and then, " what do you think you could do to relax and take your mind of it, is there an activity you used to do that made you feel good that you haven't done for a while ???, what about something as simple as taking a warm relaxing bath ???. Oh fuck yeah, sometimes I'll go all the way and take the chance by replying that a warm bath sounds wonderful, and that I'm a bit embarrassed to say but I used to use masturbation to help feel better but I'd lost interest in that. Most will respond positively and reassure you that you can talk about anything without them judging you. One even suggested masturbation as a stress relief mechanism and that if I was having trouble with the desire to self medicate with self pleasure try using internet porn as a way of sparking arousal. " really, I have seen the odd movie years ago but I guess I could have a look online, is there like, full sex and like a movie I saw once with two girls and a guy ? I ask. There anything you can think of, I'm not an expert she says but there's everything and anything people might do or enjoy sexually, really, I'd be happy if I could even find a video of a nice girl masturbating too I say, oh there's plenty of that she says as I blow all over myself trying not to moan out loud into the phone. It's terrible I know, using the wonderful souls that volunteer their time to help others but the soothing sound of a sweet caring female voice is such a turn on.......... and it's free. I get racked with guilt and shame afterwards but I do it again when I feel the need, it's like an addiction and adds another horny dimension to my portfolio of secret sexual behaviours.
Why are some men just so difficult?!
I mean, I try everything to make him happy (we are not together) and that we get along well but he makes it very hard for me!
I HATE his behaviour. No, I abominate it!!
And the best part about it ... I still try to keep up the harmony!
He's just a friend, and he sucks being one, and I hate him.
But I pretend to like him and I don't even know why.
I confess that I don't like my children as much as I should. I just can't be interested in the stuff they make or in the things they love.
I have a 15 years old son and a 11 years old daughter.
I always question their behaviour and the things they like, I don't get most of it.
Sometimes (and please don't hate me) I just think how stupid they are and I wish I don't have children.
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