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When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... eventually. ↗

— Steven Wright

#child #eventually #had #i #kid

Don't you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up all night. ↗

— Steven Wright

#asleep #falls #hand #hate #know

I think God's going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding. ↗

— Steven Wright

#come #down #god #going #i

I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter. ↗

— Steven Wright

#i #last #last night #letter #me

When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction. ↗

— Steven Wright

#die #fiction #i #leaving #science

It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature. ↗

— Steven Wright

#difference #make #make a difference #room #room temperature

I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my car going really fast, and stick it out the window. ↗

— Steven Wright

#fast #get #going #harmonica #i

How young can you die of old age? ↗

— Steven Wright

#die #how #old #old age #you

Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. ↗

— Steven Wright

#deja #deja vu #having #i #now

Hermits have no peer pressure. ↗

— Steven Wright

#peer #peer pressure #pressure