#air

A genius. A criminal mastermind. A millionaire. And he is only twelve years old. ↗

— Eoin Colfer

#genius #humor #humor

He's not doing anything he shouldn't be doing, right?" "Like what?" "Like hitting on you." "Ew. No, of course not. He doesn't see me that way." Michael shook his head and went back to his coffee. "What? You think he does?" "Sometimes he looks at you a little... oddly, that's all. Maybe you're right. Maybe he just wants you for your blood." "Again, Ew! What's with you this morning?" "Not enough coffee. ↗

— Rachel Caine

#funny #ghost-town #humor #michael-glass #morganville-vampires

Look. Survey. Inspect. My hair is ruined! I look like a pan of bacon and eggs! ↗

— Diana Wynne Jones

#humor #vanity #humor

Well, friend, I don’t know about your tastes, but I tend to like it very bloody,” Myrnin said. He shifted position, dragging Claire along like a rag doll without any effort at all. “Have we been introduced?” “Probably not. Why, are you asking me out, sweetheart?” “You’re not my type, darling. Is this one yours?” “No,” Frank said, and looked at Shane, just in a quick flicker. “Let’s say she’s a friend of the family. ↗

— Rachel Caine

#eve-rosser #funny #ghost-town #humor #michael-glass

Who knows what goes on in the mind of a cat? ↗

— Julie Kagawa

#fairies #humor #humor

So you would literally take a bullet for me." "No," Claire said, with zero emotion. "No?" Ryan said, surprised at her answer. Claire rolled her eyes, annoyed that she had to answer. "If I have time to stand in the way of a bullet, you have time to move. ↗

— Jamie McGuire

#humor #humor

Where are you going?” “To get a Coke!” “Would you—” “No! ↗

— Rachel Caine

#humor

Everything rests on the poisoned wine. If it were just the queen, I could force it down her gullet, but Declan Broekhart would run me through with that damned ceremonial sword, and if his wife's stares were daggers, he'd be dead already. ↗

— Eoin Colfer

#humor #humor

If you ever find yourself in the wrong story, leave. ↗

— Mo Willems

#humor #humorous #philosophy #psychology #humor

Peaseblossom-decorous, proper Peaseblossom-dropped her trousers to waggle her naked, pale bottom at the Stage Manager. Bertie laughed involuntarily, choked on her coffee, and nearly died as it came out her nose, but it was worth the searing pain in her nostrils to see the look on the Stage Manager's face. ↗

— Lisa Mantchev

#fairies #humor #humor