#al

Something you killed didn't stay dead? Wow. That must have really put some termites in your coffin. ↗

— Christopher Farnsworth

#humor #paranormal-suspense #vampires #humor

She wore far too much rouge last night and not quite enough clothes. That is always a sign of despair in a woman. ↗

— Oscar Wilde

#humor #inspirational #truth #humor

You know how when someone is tall, people will compare them to a string bean? She, my friend, was like asparagus, but without the subsequent odor. ↗

— Tom Alford

#funny #humor #string-bean #tall #funny

And-he was ashamed to admit--he had been known to carry off the occasional roll of duct tape. That stuff could be used for everything. ↗

— Sharon Ashwood

#paranormal-romance #sharon-ashwood #the-dark-forgotten #unchained #humor

I must go down to the seas again to find where I buried the hatchet with Yesterday. ↗

— Janet Frame

#humor

If Nostradamus and Tiresias used gay magic to have a baby, and that baby grew up to make a lot of predictions about the destiny of clones – if that happened, then I would have a reason to convert to asexuality. As it is, I just kind of felt like not doing it. ↗

— Benson Bruno

#clones #funny #humor #prophecy #funny

I decided to irritate him, on the premise that it couldn't make my situation any worse. ↗

— Jeff Somers

#humor

My dear dead mother wanted me to go into an honorable trade, like grave robbing. Would I listen? No. Be an assassin, like your uncle Gustav, she said. Would I pay heed? No. Apprentice to the Necromancer― ↗

— Raymond E. Feist

#humor #humor

You can take a dog outside, but you can't make it pee ↗

— Micah Amyx

#humor #pee #reality #humor

Go to her," Grimalkin said, backing away. "Wake her up. I will attempt to rouse Goodfellow once more. Perhaps he will waken if claws are applied in a strategically important area... ↗

— Paul Adams

#grimalkin #humor #humor