#al

Clay, if anyone followed anyone, it was me tagging along after you. I didn’t dare order you around.” “Load of shit,” he muttered, but she thought she heard a softening in his tone. “You fucking made me attend tea parties.” She remembered his threat before the first one: “Tell anyone and I’ll eat you and use your bones as toothpicks.” ~ Talin and Clay dialogue ↗

— Nalini Singh

#nalini-singh #humor

If you can't enjoy what you have, you can't enjoy more of it. ↗

— Richard Bandler

#inspirational-quotes #humor

Big lots,' I said, seeing the eighty-year-old oaks and shady lawns. The houses were set way back and had iron fences and stone drives. The harder to hear your neighbors scream, my dear,' was David’s answer, and I sent my head up and down in agreement. ↗

— Kim Harrison

#humor #rachel-morgan #romance #supernatural #vampire

Infuriated, I scrambled over him, even more furious when I saw the humored glint in his eyes. "God you tick me off." "Well at least I got you--" "Don't even finish that statement! ↗

— Jennifer L. Armentrout

#jennifer-armentrout #katy-swartz #opal #the-lux-series #humor

Not all librarians are evil cultists. Some librarians are instead vengeful undead who want to suck your soul. ↗

— Brandon Sanderson

#humor #librarians #humor

Taking a deep breath that smelled of rain, she was poised to move when a hand clasped her elbow. Memories of another hand grabbing her sent panic shooting through her veins. She swung around. "Whoa. You okay?" Lucas lightened his clasp around her arm. Kylie caught her breath and stared up at the werewolf's blue eyes. "Yeah. You just...surprised me. You need to whistle when you come up on me. ↗

— C.C. Hunter

#humor #kylie #lucas #paranormal #taken-at-dusk

Oh, for God's sake," I said. "Just give me the stupid thing." I took the panic button and stuck it into my Super Sexy Miracle Bra. "GPS," Ranger said to Morelli. "Probably I can find her breast without it," Morelli said. "But it's good to know there's a navigational system on board if I need it. ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#navigational-devices #sexy #humor

May the IRS find that you deduct your pet sheep as an entertainment expense. ↗

— Christopher Moore

#humor #insult #irs #malediction #humor

I'm jealous of your hooks," Kevin replied. "Having no hands is better than having two equally strong hands." Don't be ridiculous," one of the white-faced women replied. "Having a white face is worse than both of your situations." But you have a white face because you put makeup on," Colette said, as Sunny climbed back out of the trunk and knelt down in the snow. "You're putting powder on your face right now. ↗

— Lemony Snicket

#funny #humor #lemony #slippery-slope #snicket

Capitalism tries for a delicate balance: It attempts to work things out so that everyone gets just enough stuff to keep them from getting violent and trying to take other people’s stuff. ↗

— George Carlin

#economics-philosophy #humor #politics #humor