#ali

What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife. ↗

— Rodney Dangerfield

#humour #infidelity #parenthood #parenting #sexuality

It's funny how humans can wrap their mind around things and fit them into their version of reality. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#humans #mankind #reality #funny

I wouldn't say I'm superficial, just averagely ficial. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #super #superficial #superficiality

It is funny how mortals always picture us as putting things into their minds: in reality our best work is done by keeping things out. ↗

— C.S. Lewis

#funny

I felt like an animal, and animals don’t know sin, do they? ↗

— Jess C. Scott

#cool #desire #erotic #erotica #funny

If I promise you I'll show up fifteen minutes late, I'll always arrive on time. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#late #on-time #promise #punctuality #funny

Once we get into the groove, we're kind of like long-distance runners - that adrenalin kicks in for me and I just keep running - and I don't stop! ↗

— Keith Urban

#get #groove #i #into #just

I want to merge a Phoenix with a Camel to create the world's first everlasting cigarette. It'll be a cigarette that rises from its own ashes, so you can keep smoking it indefinitely. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#cigarette #everlasting #funny #humor #immortality

I have a fear of palindromes. Maybe because the only person to ever beat the hell out of me was a man named Bob. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#fear #funny #palindromes #funny

Don't look now, but that's my ex over there." Surely I'm not the only one who takes "don't look now" as "there's no better time than now." I looked. "Bad, Ali!" Another slap to my arm. "Bad, bad, bad Ali! Have you no self control? ↗

— Gena Showalter

#ex #funny #rabbit #funny