#ali

I am too much alien and not enough monkey to fit in here. ↗

— Melissa St. Hilaire

#fitting-in #funny #monkey #funny

Being alive means living fully extended. Like Orafoura’s cousin, who is 2.5 inches tall, but has a five-inch penis. You can’t say that’s average, because how many people do you know whose penis is twice as long as they are? ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#cousin #funny #living #orafoura #penis

I wonder if being sane means disregarding the chaos that is life, pretending only an infinitesimal segment of it is reality. ↗

— Rabih Alameddine

#art

Problem was, he couldn’t masturbate his sexual desires away because he’d fry off his cock." Hector ↗

— Gena Showalter

#funny #hector #funny

I used to go to Vegas and play the horses, and then I realised how ridiculous that was. There is no winning in gambling, but there is on the stock market. ↗

— Josh Brolin

#go #horses #how #i #market

People usually feel funny, smile and laugh when I tell them about my strong belief in the very existence of prehistoric advanced technology and great civilizations of wilier races. I just can't wait to see their faces at time the truth is revealed. ↗

— Toba Beta

#ancient #civilization #mystery #prehistoric #reveal

Americans have an abiding belief in their ability to control reality by purely material means... airline insurance replaces the fear of death with the comforting prospect of cash. ↗

— Cecil Beaton

#airline #belief #cash #comforting #control

Nursery-rhyme morality has gotten me into no end of trouble, largely because it is presented through such fine poetry. Nursery rhymes dramatize the eternal conflict between aesthetics and ethics in a manner that every child can appreciate. There isn’t an adult walking around today that hasn’t been psychologically devastated by them. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #morality #nursery-rhymes #poetry

Sadly for my wedding plans, I learned that Nestor is a bardash. I envy the men who enjoy his favors. He has always treated me with friendship which I now value more than my old romantic feelings. ↗

— Tamora Pierce

#friends #homosexuality #friendship

Google is a global Rorschach test. We see in it what we want to see. Google has built an infrastructure that makes a lot of dreams closer to reality. ↗

— John Battelle

#closer #dreams #global #google #infrastructure