#ali

Clay, if anyone followed anyone, it was me tagging along after you. I didn’t dare order you around.” “Load of shit,” he muttered, but she thought she heard a softening in his tone. “You fucking made me attend tea parties.” She remembered his threat before the first one: “Tell anyone and I’ll eat you and use your bones as toothpicks.” ~ Talin and Clay dialogue ↗

— Nalini Singh

#nalini-singh #humor

I'm jealous of your hooks," Kevin replied. "Having no hands is better than having two equally strong hands." Don't be ridiculous," one of the white-faced women replied. "Having a white face is worse than both of your situations." But you have a white face because you put makeup on," Colette said, as Sunny climbed back out of the trunk and knelt down in the snow. "You're putting powder on your face right now. ↗

— Lemony Snicket

#funny #humor #lemony #slippery-slope #snicket

Capitalism tries for a delicate balance: It attempts to work things out so that everyone gets just enough stuff to keep them from getting violent and trying to take other people’s stuff. ↗

— George Carlin

#economics-philosophy #humor #politics #humor

People are sheep. TV is the shepherd. ↗

— Jess C. Scott

#entertainment #herd-mentality #humor #hype #mainstream-media

It's impossible to walk through solid rock... You have to walk between the molecules that make up the rock. ↗

— J.M. Dattilo

#humor #life #philosophy #reality #science-fiction

They Want You To Be A Docile Apathetic Consumer ↗

— Bill Hicks

#media-journalism #society #thinking #humor

Home. That wonderful place I was lucky enough to revisit no matter how short a time finally realizing it's not relegated to just one single place its wherever you make it. ↗

— Alyson Noel

#immortality #love #love

When we talk to our fellow men and they tell us about their troubles, we will listen to them carefully if we have love for them. We will have compassion for their suffering and pain, for we are God's creatures; we are a manifestation of the love of God. ↗

— Elder Thaddeus of Vitovnica

#compassion #council #eastern-orthodoxy #god-s-love #love

Whenever I think of something but can't think of what it was I was thinking of, I can't stop thinking until I think I'm thinking of it again. I think I think too much. ↗

— Criss Jami

#challenge #clever #cognition #cognitive #cognitive-psychology

Before he sat down, my internal heat-seekers sensed what was coming my way: deep blue eyes that melted girls like Velveeta in a microwave. I tried to resist those microwave eyes, but sometimes there's no defense against them. I had a feeling I'd be seeing him weeping over my coffin later that night. ↗

— Natalie Standiford

#humor #microwaves #natalie-standiford #humor