#alien

You can't exactly bake a man to your specifications. Most of all, one shouldn't alienate a candidate. A hybrid of Einstein, Tarzan and Inge Meysel doesn't exist. Besides, the images of politicians in the media aren't always accurate. I've had my share of experiences in that regard. ↗

— Peer Steinbruck

#alienate #always #bake #besides #candidate

Illegal aliens have always been a problem in the United States. Ask any Indian. ↗

— Robert Orben

#any #ask #been #illegal #illegal aliens

If I had to describe myself to an alien I'd say I was bigger than the average human, enjoy a drink or two with a good meal and have a bigger head than most. I'd also say I'm really handsome - especially if they were a female alien. ↗

— Dwayne Johnson

#also #average #bigger #describe #drink

I don't like alien films where you don't get to see the aliens. ↗

— Peter Berg

#films #get #i #like #see

Human beings have an inalienable right to invent themselves; when that right is pre-empted it is called brain-washing. ↗

— Germaine Greer

#called #human #human beings #inalienable #inalienable right

I'm sorry, but -I'm sorry!' I yelped and skipped backward as Gorg advanced on me. 'You were given bad information. Probably some human's fault.' I AM PRINCIPAL ANGER COORDINATOR ASSOCIATE-OF-THE-MONTH GORG FOUR-GORG! HUMANS WILL GIVE ME BAD INFORMATION AT THEIR PERIL!' He didn't look like a principal. He looked like something Hercules ought to be wrestling on the side of a vase. ↗

— Adam Rex

#humor #anger

Wish You Were Here So, so you think you can tell Heaven from Hell, Blue skys from pain. Can you tell a green field From a cold steel rail? A smile from a veil? Do you think you can tell? And did they get you to trade Your heros for ghosts? Hot ashes for trees? Hot air for a cool breeze? Cold comfort for change? And did you exchange A walk on part in the war For a lead role in a cage? How I wish, how I wish you were here. We're just two lost souls Swimming in a fish bowl, Year after year, Running over the same old ground. What have we found? The same old fears. Wish you were here. ↗

— Roger Waters

#illusion #lyrics #music #pink-floyd #song-lyrics

If someone told me at the beginning of that summer that I would come face-to-face with death because of a Romeo and Juliet romance, I would never have believed it. But it wasn't like that summer went at all like I planned in the first place. ↗

— Magan Vernon

#dating

I frowned as my fingers throbbed. “Wait a sec. There’s a chance I can’t work with fire and you let me do that?”“How else am I going to figure out your limitations?” “What the hell!” I pulled my hand free, furious. “That’s not cool, Blake. What’s next? Trying to stop a moving vehicle by standing in front of it, but whoops, I can’t do that and now I’m dead? ↗

— Jennifer L. Armentrout

#death-jokes #funny #ssupernatural #training #ya

I am too much alien and not enough monkey to fit in here. ↗

— Melissa St. Hilaire

#fitting-in #funny #monkey #funny