#ang

It is very useful, when one is young, to learn the difference between "literally" and "figuratively." If something happens literally, it actually happens; if something happens figuratively, it feels like it is happening. If you are literally jumping for joy, for instance, it means you are leaping in the air because you are very happy. If you are figuratively jumping for joy, it means you are so happy that you could jump for joy, but are saving your energy for other matters. ↗

— Lemony Snicket

#humor #language #humor

Listen.. to your motor-mouth mother..... Lovely Minato said ↗

— Masashi Kishimoto

#manga #minato #naruto #love

But...what if I mistime it?" Gilan smiled widely. "Well, in that case, I'll probably lop your head off your shoulders." Horace and Gilan ↗

— John Flanagan

#horace #humor #ranger-s-apprentice #sword-fighting #humor

The to Cathal was battered and only one wagon wide, with swells of hard earth where mud had frozen during cold ad rainy seasons. Enna tripped often, and cursed each time she tripped, until Dasha said, "Enna, you might watch your language." Enna grimaced. "I was. You should hear my thoughts. ↗

— Shannon Hale

#humor #humor

I didn’t fire my gun. I gave it a promotion. 
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#dangerous #fire #firearm #gun #guns

People assume that time is a strict progression of cause to effect. But actually - from a non-linear, non-subjective viewpoint - it's more like a big ball of wibbly wobbly, timey wimey stuff. ↗

— Steven Moffat

#doctor-who #humor #inspirational #the-doctor #time-travel

Without thinking, [Will] spoke. 'Halt? Are you awake?' 'No.' The ill humor in the one-word reply was unmistakable. 'Oh. Sorry.' 'Shut up.' He pondered whether to apologize again and decided this would go against the instruction to shut up, so remained silent. ↗

— John Flanagan

#ranger-s-apprentice #will #humor

The remnants of my dress hung like tentacles and from my back arched a pari of towering wings, feather-light but suggesting enourmous power. My hair streamed behind me, and I knew that the ring of light around my head would be brighter than ever. “Holy crap!” Xavier blurted ↗

— Alexandra Adornetto

#humor #humor

What's the trick to remembering that a sandwich is masculine? What qualities does it share with anyone in possession of a penis? I'll tell myself that a sandwich is masculine because if left alone for a week or two, it will eventually grow a beard. ↗

— David Sedaris

#humor #language #humor

If he can only perform good or only perform evil, then he is a clockwork orange—meaning that he has the appearance of an organism lovely with colour and juice but is in fact only a clockwork toy to be wound up by God or the Devil. ↗

— Anthony Burgess

#love