#ant

Please, let me take you home. You’re drunk.” “I am not.” I shoved him, spilling some kind of delicious poison on him. “Go home and have a wild time with Ms. Scarlet. In the bedroom. With the—” “Okay, you’re starting to talk board game. Let’s go home, babe. I’ll get you into bed. ↗

— Rachael Wade

#hoodoo #magic #paranormal-romance #romance #the-gates

You’re getting ahead of yourself, Danika!” she said bracingly. “One thing at a time. Those home things can be wrong! Don’t panic until it’s time to panic! Maybe you’re just dying of some horrible disease and you aren’t even pregnant at all? ↗

— Madelaine Montague

#pregnant #home

It's not that I want you to go, it's just that I don't want you to stay." - China Sorrows - ↗

— Derek Landy

#humor #landy #leaving #skuldugerry-pleasant #wanting

Be sure to lie to your kids about the benevolent, all-seeing Santa Claus. It will prepare them for an adulthood of believing in God. ↗

— Scott Dikkers

#atheism #childhood #humor #kids #parenting

He wanted to paddle her himself, then shake her, then sit her down in a chair and explain to her why she must never, ever get herself in a situation where she could be shot at again—and then throw himself at her feet. ↗

— Tara Janzen

#romantic-suspense #love

I believe I am becoming pathetic. I'll go further, I believe that I am in love with a flower-growing, wood-carving quarryman/carpenter/pig farmer. In fact, I know I am. Perhaps tomorrow I will become entirely miserable at the thought that he doesn't love me back - may, even, care for Remy- but at this precise moment I am succumbing to euphoria. My head and stomach feel quite odd. ↗

— Mary Ann Shaffer

#love

Corrival looked around. 'So is this it? Is everyone here? Erskine, maybe you should start the ball rolling. I have places to go and things to do.' 'Me?' Ravel asked. 'Why do I have to start it? You're the most respected mage here. You start it, or Skulduggery.' Skulduggery shook his head. 'I can't start it. I don't like most of these people. I might start shooting. ↗

— Derek Landy

#gathering #grudges #humor #humorous #mages

What in the blue star-blazes did you see in Jason?" he asked, still forcefully but with his frustration and jealousy under better control. "For one thing, Djetth, he wasn't trying to kill me!" ("Marsh", heroine of Insufficient Mating Material) ↗

— Rowena Cherry

#aliens #fantasy #futuristic #humor #humour

How did you hear about that?' 'Are you kidding me? So far, I had that runt Kyle-' 'I hate him. I hate all vamps. That complete toad, Michael-' '-tell me you were pregnant by a vamp-' 'kidnnaped me and-Kyle said WHAT?' 'and then a member of the Domi shows up and informs me-' 'The Domi sent someone HERE?' '-that you're actually pregnant by the late king of the Fey.' 'Late?!' Heidar squeaked. ↗

— Karen Chance

#damphir #dorina #fey #fiction #humor

Gerti didn’t ask for help.” Miri swallowed and tried to calm her quavering voice. “It was my fault.” “So it was. Now you all have learned that those who speak out of turn choose punishment for themselves and anyone they speak to.” “So if I speak to you, Tutor Olana, will you get the lashes? ↗

— Shannon Hale

#fantasy #humor #romance #humor