#aw

Do you find this...distracting? ↗

— Suzanne Collins

#finnick #humor #humor

TO:[email protected]: Something's wrong! The house is shaking! TO:[email protected]: Well can you turn down the volume on Star Trek:Voyager? I thought we were having an earthquake when the Enterprise hit Warp speed. Why did you let me sleep until nearly one? ↗

— Robert Bryndza

#email #funny #star-trek-warp-speed #funny

I happen to find ceilings much lovelier than the night sky myself. Sometimes I just stare at them for hours and wonder what could be up there. ↗

— Bauvard

#ceilings #constellations #funny #humor #sky

If I hung out with Van Gogh, I don’t know what we’d do. We’d just play it by ear, I guess.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#bizarre #funny #humor #random #random-thought

Huevos up. Swing up to the window, swing back to Al B. Hall, who says, "Bless you," and would I get him a bottle of Satan's Red-Hot Revenge for the eggs? Sure thing, Pastor. ↗

— Joan Bauer

#funny #funny

If I ever get a 20-dollar bill, I like to convert it into 20 singles, because women like guys with lots of money.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#bizarre #funny #humor #money #random

Bluestar's coming on patrol? Watch out for flying hedgehogs! ↗

— -Erin Hunter Cloudpaw A Dangerous Path Warriors

#cats #cloudpaw #erin-hunter #flying #funny

Está mejor - respondió con remilgo - Afortunadamente, me lo rompió una perra psicótica, y no alguien de la familia. Le di mi mejor sonrisa psicótica. Qué mal. La familia te puede golpear por accidente. Las perras psicóticas tienden a volver por más ↗

— Richelle Mead

#funny #rose-hathaway #spanish #funny

The lawn is the last suburban frontier. It separates us from the corruption of the street and its triker gangs. When drive-by shootings occur, our grass gets a shower instead of our windows getting water-stains. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #gangs #humor #lawns #shootings

[H]is mouth pursed, but pursed in American, more generous than English pursing, ready for broader vowels and less mincing sounds. His body was long and lean and trim; he had American hips, ready for a neat belt and the faraway ghost of a gunbelt. ↗

— A.S. Byatt

#self-awareness #self-image #body-image