#ay

Did you hear that! Yuki, the heartless Yuki! Heartless Yuki has begged me with tears to let him visit my shop! ↗

— Natsuki Takaya

#humor

Sucks to be left out of adolescence, sort of like getting locked in the closet on Venus when the sun appears for the first time in a hundred years. ↗

— Junot Díaz

#humor #nerdiness #ray-bradbury #science-fiction #humor

It's just been a long week, that's all." "It's monday night, Jess." "My point exactly. ↗

— Scott Westerfeld

#monday #humor

She'd been trained as a child no to trust anyone, but he'd just saved her life, and she was freezing. He could be a yeti for all she cared. ↗

— Krystal Shannan

#holiday #humor #multicultural #romance #humor

Life makes fools of us all sooner or later. But keep your sense of humor and you'll at least be able to take your humiliations with some measure of grace. In the end, you know, it's our own expectations that crush us." -- from Skippy Dies ↗

— Paul Murray

#quotes #humor

I'm still trying to figure out the secret relationship between the woman and the mall! ↗

— Ibrahim Taha

#ibrahim-taha #puzzled #quotes #saying #shopping

Television's perfect. You turn a few knobs, a few of those mechanical adjustments at which the higher apes are so proficient, and lean back and drain your mind of all thought. And there you are watching the bubbles in the primeval ooze. You don't have to concentrate. You don't have to react. You don't have to remember. You don't miss your brain because you don't need it. Your heart and liver and lungs continue to function normally. Apart from that, all is peace and quiet. You are in the man's nirvana. And if some poor nasty minded person comes along and says you look like a fly on a can of garbage, pay him no mind. He probably hasn't got the price of a television set. ↗

— Raymond Chandler

#chandler #humor #ooze #philosophy #raymond-chandler

Joke exchanges are carried on in deadly earnest, like a verbal duel-mouth-to-mouth combat. Bang, bang: you’re (linguistically) dead. ↗

— David Crystal

#jokes #language-play #humor

Salander in love. What a fucking joke. ↗

— Stieg Larsson

#lisbeth-salander #millennium-trilogy #stieg-larsson #the-girl-who-played-with-fire #humor

Single guys can easily simulate some of the joys of marriage simply by installing one of those GPS devices that use a woman's voice. ↗

— Barry Parham

#humor #humor