#bar

Now I understand why King Stannis let the wildlings through the Wall. He means for us to eat them. ↗

— George R.R. Martin

#humor #stannis-baratheon #wall #wildlings #humor

So, what are you doing with my little sister today?” Daniel asked. I closed my eyes in defeat. “I’m afraid I can’t ruin the surprise,” Noah said. “But I promise I’ll return her intact.” He did not just say that. Daniel cackled ↗

— Michelle Hodkin

#embarrassment #humor #humor

To some I am known as Chief. And these are usually people who work in Radio Shack or try to sell me shoes. To others I am known as Buddy. These are people who dwell in bars and wonder if I’ve got a problem or what it is that I am “looking at.” And to still others, who are in that same bar, standing just off to the side, I am “Get Him! ↗

— Demetri Martin

#humor #names #salesmen #humor

Oh, the boots were on the other eight feet now. ↗

— Jonathan Stroud

#bartimaeus #bartimaeus-trilogy #humor #humor

They probably have me up on a poster by now. Warning: this girl is emotionally unstable. Do not allow near hot beverages. ↗

— Abby McDonald

#humor #humor

See?" I crowed. "I know what I'm doing. Two weeks, tops, and you'll be begging to dip your fries in my shake." "You think?" It took me about a second before I realized I'd done it again. My mouth seriously needed a chaperone. ↗

— Elise Allen

#humor #teens #humor

The road ahead is unknown to all. I cannot offer you wisdom or guidance. Only the promise that I will never leave you. ↗

— Andrea Cremer

#love #promise #rift #love

My point is... he loves you. I mean it's obvious to everyone how much he cares for you, but I was hoping he didn't really love you, not like that―not like I saw when he held you that night. Like your pain was his and he would do anything in the world for you, to protect you... All I have to say is that he's the most amazing person I've ever met, and I'd give anything for someone to love me like that, so you'd better deserve him, Emma. ~ Analise ↗

— Rebecca Donovan

#rebecca-donovan #the-breathing-series #love

I don't believe in virgin sacrifice. It encourages promiscuity at an early age ↗

— Adrianne Ambrose

#barbarian #comedy #fantasy #parody #age

Had he stood outside my door as I'd stood outside his, fists at his sides, lips drawn back? Did it have him as bad as it had me? Was it eating at him, gnawing at him with the same sharp vicious little teeth that wouldn't let me sleep? Yes, it was. I could see the rage of insatiable uninvited lust in every line of that dark, stoic face that had once been too subtly etched for me to read. I wasn't the only one lying awake at night, fevered with memories, tossing, turning, soaking my sheets, burning up--not for Fae sex, but him, damn it all to hell, him. ↗

— Karen Marie Moning

#fever-series #mac #lust