#be

I'm just like any other person you can meet and greet on the street and like or not like. I'm not Holden or Humbert. You can really touch me! If you don't believe me, come to Aristod right now. Come hold and hump me! ↗

— Brian Celio

#humbert #humor #salinger #wordplay #humor

Being beautiful is accomplished everytime you don't wear make-up ↗

— Alice

#life-and-living #make-up #beauty

hermes has threatened me with slow mail. lousy Internet service and a horrible stock market if i publish this story. I hope he is just bluffing. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#heroes-of-olympus #humor #percabeth #percy-jackson #rick-riordan

On to smaller, more beautiful things ↗

— Felicia Monticelli

#beauty

Unfortunately this Electric Monk had developed a fault, and had started to believe all kinds of things, more or less at random. It was even beginning to believe things they'd have difficulty believing in Salt Lake City. ↗

— Douglas Adams

#humor #mormonism #religion #robot #humor

I'll call if I break a leg or get eaten by a bear." "Play like a rock." "Now?" "No, if a bear starts eating you." I thought for a moment before replying. "Do they have screaming, sobbing rocks, 'cause that's probably what I'll be doing if a bear is gnawing my arm off." "It would be difficult to just lay there and be eaten alive, huh?" "Ya think? ↗

— Darynda Jones

#humor #humor

Jason glanced at the creature. It remained the same distance away as before, still as a statue. "What do you want?" Jason asked. No answer. "Are you the thing that followed Tark? You should keep following him. He's the real mastermind. Shoo. Go hide." No response. "Okay, how about you stand guard while I sleep. Keep the giants away. Sound good? All in favor, hold perfectly still. Fine, I guess we have a deal. ↗

— Brandon Mull

#brandon #humor #jason #lurker #mull

You're quite tall.' Just what a girl wants to be reminded of. ↗

— Libba Bray

#relatable #tall #beauty

I thought bridesmaid's dresses were supposed to be horrid and ugly to make the bride more stunning," I joked to her in a whisper. "Yeah right, you marry a gorgeous actor and you want me to show up in a Goodwill special? No way sister! There are bound to be other single, gorgeous actors around, and I intend to land one of them for myself. Or get laid at the very least."... ↗

— Chasta Schneider

#humor #wedding #humor

I live in Florida, and when people ask how close to the beach I am, I say, “Twelve minutes or twelve hours. Depends on which beach you want to go to. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#florida #humor #humor