#be

A recent survey or North American males found 42% were overweight, 34% were critically obese and 8% ate the survey. ↗

— Banksy

#obesity #statistics #humor

Oh, man," Xavier groaned. "See what you've done--now I'm stressing." "You can't! You're the stable one!" Xavier laughed and I realized his distress had been feigned to illustrate a point. He wasn't worried in the slightest. "Just relax. Go and run a bath or have a shot of brandy." "Okay." "That second bit was a joke. We both know you can't hold your liquor. ↗

— Alexandra Adornetto

#humor #xavier-woods #humor

Look! A trickle of water running through some dirt! I'd say our afternoon just got booked solid! ↗

— Bill Watterson

#calvin-and-hobbes #comic #comic-strips #comics #hobbes

I keep turning over new leaves, and spoiling them, as I used to spoil my copybooks; and I make so many beginnings there never will be an end. (Jo March) ↗

— Louisa May Alcott

#beginnings #end #fresh-start #new-leaf #start-over

I wasn't saying whatever they're saying I was saying. I'm sorry I said it really. I never meant it to be a lousy anti-religious thing. I apologize if that will make you happy. I still don't know quite what I've done. I've tried to tell you what I did do but if you want me to apologize, if that will make you happy, then OK, I'm sorry. ↗

— John Lennon

#beatles #humor #humour #jesus #religion

Stand in your own two shoes. ↗

— T. Scott McLeod

#empowering-beliefs #empowerment #responsibility #self-responsibility #self-belief

Humor is emotional chaos remembered in tranquility. ↗

— James Thurber

#chaos #emotional #remembered #tranquility

She glanced down at the contents of her plate. Just tell him what it is. Simple. Look at it and say what it is. "Sloppy Joe," she managed. "Hmm," he said, sounding doubtful. "May he rest in peace. ↗

— Kelly Creagh

#humor #isobel #lunch #sloppy-joe #varen

Amy, Dan, and Nellie were sitting at a table in a conference room, examining reproductions of Franklin documents-some so rare, the librarians told her, the only copies existed in Paris. "Yeah, here's a rare grocery list," Dan muttered. "Wow. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#cahill #humor #rare #sarcasm #humor

Are you her boyfriend?” ... No, I’m her fiancé.” Nate said. We’ve been promised to each other since birth,” Summer added. Our wedding isn’t until March. ↗

— Brandon Mull

#boyfriends #humor #marriage #humor