#blood

[in reference to turkey bowling] He [Tommy] squinted and picked his target, then took his steps and sent the bird sliding down the aisle. A collective gasp rose from the crew as the fourteen-pound, self-basting, fresh-frozen projectile of wholesome savory goodness plowed into the soap bottles like a freight train into a chorus line of drunken grandmothers. ↗

— Christopher Moore

#christopher-moore #love

Everyone thinks I'm crazy, you know, because I can't tell them the truth; which is, that I'm driven crazy by all these thoughts, all these heads. ↗

— Charlaine Harris

#humor #sookie-stackhouse #true-blood #humor

The humans were sitting cross-legged on the floor in a circle of soldiers, pointing at things and learning more Chimaera words: salt, rat, eat, which unfortunate combination led to Zuzana rejecting the meat on her plate. "I think it's chicken," Mik said, taking a bite. "I'm just saying there were a lot more rats around here earlier." "Circumstantial evidence." Mik took another bite and said, in passable Chimaera and to guffaws of laughter, "Salty delicious rat." "It's chicken," insisted one of the Shadows That Live. Karou wasn't sure which it was, but she was flapping her arms like wings, and even producing chicken bones to prove it. ↗

— Laini Taylor

#days-of-blood-and-starlight #humor #laini-taylor #mik #zuzana

Eric was holding my hands, and I was digging my nails into him like we were doing something else. He won't mind, I though, as I realized I'd drawn blood. And sure enough, he didn't. "Let go," he advised me, and I loosened my grip on his hands. "No, not of me," he said smiling. "You can hold on to me as long as you want. ↗

— Charlaine Harris

#sookie-eric #sookie-stackhouse #sweet-talk #true-blood #sweet

I growled and then slapped him. "Hey!" His hand pressed to his cheek. "You always say that when I slap you," I said. "I think it's a problem that you know what I say when you slap me," he said. "That's not the kind of intimacy I'm looking for. ↗

— Andrea Cremer

#calla #shay #intimacy

Sydney spent a lot of time on my bed these days. unfortunately, it wasn't with me. ↗

— Richelle Mead

#bloodlines #humor #richelle-mead #sydney-sage #sydrian

Do I look like I have anything ?" I asked him, in a reasonable voice. He looked as unnerved as the nurse had. He said, "Sorry," and backed away. I took a step after him. I screamed, "I HAVE NOTHING!" And then I said, in a perfectly calm voice, "See, I never had anything to start with. ↗

— Charlaine Harris

#true-blood #sookie-stackhouse

And since I’m going to be in the neighborhood, you thought I might do as an escort? To an orgy? ↗

— Charlaine Harris

#sookie-stackhouse #svm #true-blood #sookie-stackhouse

i was momentarily sidetracked by the vision of Eric herding a cow into a trailer and driving it to the shoulder of the the interstate and shooing it into the trees. ↗

— Charlaine Harris

#sookie-stackhouse #true-blood #sookie-stackhouse

What I think I'll do is I'll do my best to yank Debbie out of me by the roots. And then I'll turn up on your doorstep, one day when you least expect it, and I'll hope by then you will have given up on your vampire. ↗

— Charlaine Harris

#charlaine-harris #club-dead #sookie-stackhouse-series #the-southern-vampire-mysteries #true-blood