#child

It's a funny thing about mothers and fathers. Even when their own child is the most disgusting little blister you could ever imagine, they still think that he or she is wonderful. ↗

— Roald Dahl

#parents #funny

It's especially hard to admit that you made a mistake to your parents, because, of course, you know so much more than they do. ↗

— Sean Covey

#children #funny #parents #funny

When it’s not enough to veto your children’s tendencies, you must in vitro them. ↗

— Bauvard

#children #funny #humor #parenting #funny

My mother would say, 'Why are you always playing alone?' And I would say, 'I'm not playin', Ma. I'm fuckin' serious! ↗

— George Carlin

#humor #playing #humor

If you're like most members of the Baby Boom generation, you decided somewhere along the line, probably after about four margaritas, to have children. This was inevitable. Mother Nature, in her infinite wisdom, has instilled within each of us a powerful biological instinct to reproduce; this is her way of assuring that the human race, come what may, will never have any disposable income. ↗

— Dave Barry

#humor #parenting #humor

I was a hip kid. When I saw Bambi it was the midnight show. ↗

— George Carlin

#childhood #hip #humor #strippers #humor

Babies don't come with instruction booklets. You'd learn the same way we all do -- you'd read up on dinosaurs, you'd Google backhoes and skidders. And you don't need a penis to go buy a baseball glove. ↗

— Jodi Picoult

#humor #life #parenting #humor

Children accept many things adults will not accept, since the world of a child is a constant revelation without any need for knowledge of cause and effect. ("Miss Esperson") ↗

— August Derleth

#imagination #imagination

People who have babies tell me I will know a love that is beyond anything I can imagine, and a joy that is indescribable. Love and joy? That sounds horrifying. I have no way of knowing whether I can handle either of those. I'm much better with need and fear. They are what ground me. ↗

— Marc Maron

#fear #humor #parenting #imagination

But why is it that if you imagine a baby who smells of milk, for example, you can't help smiling? Why is there such an agreement around the world about what is or isn't a foul smell? Who decided what smells bad? Is it impossible that somewhere in this world there are people who, if they sat next to a homeless fellow they'd get the urge to snuggle up to him, but if they sat next to a baby they'd get an urge to kill it? ↗

— Ryū Murakami

#homeless-people #life #people #smells #imagination