#d

I don’t believe it! You’re still interested in the girl, despite the fact that she might be some kind of alien. Does this sickness of yours have any bounds? ↗

— Tom Upton

#young-adult #humor

Just be careful, hon,” Rosanna said. “Oh, are the plates hot?” I flinched back just before my hands made contact. Rosanna laughed. “No, but hot boys can burn you just as easily. ↗

— C.J. Duggan

#humor #romance #summer #young-adult #humor

Nothing builds confidence like live ammo. ↗

— Tim Dorsey

#firearms #humor #humor

You're sure he's not a vampire?' Claire said.'I've seen movies. They're sneaky.' She was kidding. Eve didn't smile. ↗

— Rachel Caine

#mythical #humor

They Want You To Be A Docile Apathetic Consumer ↗

— Bill Hicks

#media-journalism #society #thinking #humor

I pressed PLAY and started up Chiron's favorite--the All-Time Greatest Hits of Dean Martin. Suddenly the air was filled with violins and a bunch of guys moaning in Italian. The demon pigeons went nuts. They started flying in circles, running into each other like they wanted to bash their own brains out. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#humor #pigeons #humor

People who could easily be mistaken as preteens just shouldn’t even try to pull off the look-at-me-I’m-so-serious-and-mysterious-and-sexy look. Especially while driving because, please, you look like you are twelve and a half and driving with a serious look. Most kids who get the opportunity to drive illegally are smiling so big that they look dyslexic and about to piss their pants with excitement because they are in operation of a vehicle that isn’t manufactured by PlayStation. ↗

— Chase Brooks

#humor #playstation #preteens #sexy #humor

Smartass Disciple: Master, do you really believe in the second chance? Master of Stupidity: That supports the basis of lost-then-found concept. ↗

— Toba Beta

#humor #lost-then-found #philosophy #second-chance #humor

That’s the thing about living vicariously; it’s so much faster than actual living. In a few minutes we’ll be worrying about names for the children. ↗

— Audrey Niffenegger

#humor

Thank God for wisecracks. ↗

— Jim Butcher

#humor #humor