#d

So they finally gave you the license to kill, about time. ↗

— Richelle Mead

#funny #vampire-academy-series #funny

If there is such a thing as a good marriage, it is because it resembles friendship rather than love. ↗

— Michel de Montaigne

#because #friendship #good #good marriage #love

I wanted to have premarital sex with a midget, but I was afraid the ringmaster would banish me for unlawful carnival knowledge. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #sex #funny

I once saw the world’s ugliest baby drown. But then I realized, “That’s not a baby, that’s a log. And it’s not drowning, it’s burning.” I wonder what it did to deserve that? It was probably a heretic. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#burn #drown #funny #heretic #ugly

I want to be a creature that’s half bee, half the letter B. That way I can pollinate the world with my literacy. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#letter-b #literacy #world #funny

Somewhere in the world there is an epigram for every dilemma. ↗

— Hendrik Willem Van Loon

#epigram #every #somewhere #world

The funny thing about stop signs is that they're also start signs. ↗

— Maureen Johnson

#the-key-to-the-golden-firebird #funny

If anything attacked us, we could just panic at it until it went away. ↗

— Seanan McGuire

#funny #ironic #rosemary-and-rue #seanan-mcguire #funny

I have a fear of palindromes. Maybe because the only person to ever beat the hell out of me was a man named Bob. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#fear #funny #palindromes #funny

Don't underestimate the power of friendship. Those bonds are tight stitches that close up the holes you might otherwise fall through. ↗

— Richelle E. Goodrich

#friends #friendship #hardships #relationships #richelle