#d

I'm too short to host a late-night talk show. It's like the bar at an amusement-park ride. You have to be six foot two or over. ↗

— Jon Stewart

#foot #host #i #late-night #late-night talk

I heard Dennis Kucinich say in a debate, 'When I'm president... and I just wanted to stop him and say, 'Dude.' ↗

— Jon Stewart

#dennis #dude #heard #him #i

I want to look back on my career and be proud of the work, and be proud that I tried everything. ↗

— Jon Stewart

#career #everything #i #i tried #look

I was born in New York City, but I was raised in New Jersey, part of the great Jewish emigration of 1963. ↗

— Jon Stewart

#city #emigration #great #i #i was born

If the events of September 11, 2001, have proven anything, it's that the terrorists can attack us, but they can't take away what makes us American - our freedom, our liberty, our civil rights. No, only Attorney General John Ashcroft can do that. ↗

— Jon Stewart

#anything #ashcroft #attack #attorney #attorney general

Many of our soldiers are stationed at Camp Coyote just south of the Iraqi border. This is how you know we have a strong army, when you can actually tell your enemy exactly where your camp is and what its name is. ↗

— Jon Stewart

#army #border #camp #coyote #enemy

President Bush remained undeterred by the massive display of American opposition, even though much of it came from the hundreds of thousands of voters who supported him by voting for Nader. ↗

— Jon Stewart

#bush #came #display #even #him

The seven marvels that best represent man's achievements over the last 2,000 years will be determined by Internet vote... so look for Howard Stern's Private Parts to come in No. 1. ↗

— Jon Stewart

#best #come #determined #howard #internet

The Supreme Court ruled that disabled golfer Casey Martin has a legal right to ride in a golf cart between shots at PGA Tour events. Man, the next thing you know, they're going to have some guy carry his clubs around for him. ↗

— Jon Stewart

#between #carry #cart #casey #clubs

There are a hell of a lot of jobs that are scarier than live comedy. Like standing in the operating room when a guy's heart stops, and you're the one who has to fix it! ↗

— Jon Stewart

#fix #guy #heart #hell #jobs